Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
In several nations humans are worried about the quantity of youths who are above their weights. Firstly, this essay will review the possible problems that might happen and secondly, will recommend a solution. First of all, being obese is obviously a disease and it mostly seen in poor nations instead of wealthy ones. The main reason is economical issues, namely, lack of production and human power. For instance, if there is not enough employees in factories, you cannot produce goods and you cannot sell them and grow your economy. If the economy is poor, society tries to buy cheap and unhealthy foods such as chocolate bar, Biscuit and pasta because they cannot afford to purchase healthy and nutritionally rich products like meat and fish. These reasons are playing an important role on being overweight. To summarize, if a country is economically weak, there is a higher chance to be overweight and unhealthy. On the other hand, authority must produce food, whether its economy is good or broke. I think none of the presidents want their country to suffer from being overweight. One possible solution is making your food at home. For instance, you can make yoghurt or bread in your house, hence, you will not have to buy them from markets, thus, you can save your money to buy healthy but costly products. In conclusion, some nations are suffering from obesity, therefore, people are dying or suffering from sickness. In my opinion, governments have to take care of their citizens and support them economically, for instance, they should give them an extra salary for each birth.
In several nations humans
are worried
about the quantity of youths who are above their weights.
Firstly
, this essay will review the possible problems that might happen and
secondly
, will recommend a solution.

First of all
, being obese is
obviously
a disease and it
mostly
seen
in poor nations
instead
of wealthy ones. The main reason is
economical
issues,
namely
, lack of production and human power.
For instance
, if there is not
enough
employees in factories, you cannot produce
goods
and you cannot sell them and grow your economy. If the economy is poor, society tries to
buy
cheap
and unhealthy foods such as chocolate bar,

Biscuit and pasta
because
they cannot afford to
purchase
healthy and
nutritionally
rich products like meat and fish. These reasons are playing an
important
role on being overweight.
To summarize
, if a country is
economically
weak, there is a higher chance to be overweight and unhealthy.

On the other hand
, authority
must
produce food, whether its economy is
good
or broke. I
think
none of the presidents want their country to suffer from being overweight. One possible solution is making your food at home.
For instance
, you can
make
yoghurt
or bread in your
house
,
hence
, you will not
have to
buy
them from markets,
thus
, you can save your money to
buy
healthy
but
costly products.

In conclusion
,
some
nations are suffering from obesity,
therefore
,
people
are dying or suffering from sickness. In my opinion,
governments
have to
take care of their citizens and support them
economically
,
for instance
, they should give them an extra salary for each birth.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts