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Parents must their child to spend more time in physical activities and less time in playing sports

Parents must their child to spend more time in physical activities and less time in playing sports 7pkB2
Education plays crucial role in everyone's life. however some people believe that parents must encourage their child to devote more time on physical activities and less time in studying. i disagree with the above statement as i believe that education is imperative for succesful career and better lifestyle. To begin with, people who advocate that students must spend more time in physical activities think that it is necessary for maintaining good health but this must not be at the cost of education as it is indespensable part of our life. Moreover, it is necessary of building successful carrer. childhood is the time a child get knowledge about various skills. imparting this time to playing sports will have no benefit. For instance it is observed that students who spend more time in playing sports usually receive poorer results in studies. Also it is necessary to hunt suitable jobs. One get the job based on their knowlege and the grades they receive in schools or colleges. Also education is necessary for better lifestyle. Through jobs people learn money so they will be able to afford all the necessities. in addition people acquire knowledge about variou skills. for example my cousin during his school days never used to study at home and spend all his time in playing sports as a result he is fit but is jobless. To conclude parents must encourage their child to study for better career and lifestyle and must say to spend less time on physical activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays crucial role in everyone's life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage their child to devote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on physical activities and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in studying.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
disagree with the above statement as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is imperative for
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
career and better lifestyle. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who advocate that students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in physical activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
for maintaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be at the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
indespensable
part of our life.
Moreover
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
of building successful
Possible spelling mistake found.
carrer
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
childhood
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
imparting
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to playing sports will have no benefit. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, it".
instance it
is observed
that students who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in playing sports
usually
receive poorer results in studies.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to hunt suitable jobs. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job based on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlege
and the grades they receive in schools or colleges.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
for better lifestyle. Through jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will be able to afford all the necessities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acquire knowledge about variou
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example my cousin during his school days never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to study at home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
all his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in playing sports
as a result
he
is fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is jobless.
To conclude
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage their child to study for better career and lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on physical activities.
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IELTS essay Parents must their child to spend more time in physical activities and less time in playing sports

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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