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Parents and teachers make rules for children

Parents and teachers make rules for children DoBRa
Parents are the first teacher of a child. Whatever they do, they do it for the benefit of their child. But some believe that children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. Whereas, I do not agree with the assertion. Children at a very young age may encounter some problems with which they are not aware of. Parents and teachers play a crucial role in making infants aware about the danger they may come across. For instance, in countries like India, students at a very young age start smoking and practice many hazardous practices which not only affect them physically but also mentally. However, parents and teachers can teach them some good behavior towards others and restrict them restrict them from performing ill actions. On the other hand, kids must be able to think out of the box and represent their thoughts freely, which will help development of better minds. At the end, I would say that, a child is like a plant. It adapt itself according to the environment. The rules and laws which teachers and parents impose on them make a better personality. It also teaches them discipline which is the first step towards a healthy and successful life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
of a child. Whatever they do, they do it for the benefit of their child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that children would benefit from fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and greater freedom.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the assertion. Children at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age may encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with which they are not aware of.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a crucial role in making infants aware about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across.
For instance
, in countries like India, students at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
smoking and practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hazardous practices which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect them
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mentally.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior towards others and
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "restrict them".
restrict them restrict them
from performing ill actions.
On the other hand
, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box and represent their thoughts
freely
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
development of better minds.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would say that, a child is like a plant. It
Did you mean "adapts"?
adapt
itself according to the environment. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and laws which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
impose on them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better personality. It
also
teaches them discipline which is the
first
step towards a healthy and successful life.
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IELTS essay Parents and teachers make rules for children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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