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Paragraph about a trip to countryside

Paragraph about a trip to countryside YkBJQ
Last month on a special occasion my school organized a trip go to the countryside. Honestly, my friends and I were really excited so we discussed together and assigned what to carry for each other. We got there by school bus and we could visit for 2 days. The first day is Thursday, during the road, we took a lot of photos of spectacular views with trees, rivers, and blue sky. We had to walk a mile on foot to reach the village, the air was actually pure and fresh actually. When we got to the village, that was evening and we set up the tent to sleep, before that, we had cooked and then
Last month on a special occasion my school organized a trip go to the countryside.
Honestly
, my friends and I were
really
excited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we discussed together and assigned what to carry for each other. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
there by school
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bus and
we could visit for 2 days. The
first
day is Thursday, during the road, we took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
photos of spectacular views with trees, rivers, and blue sky. We had to walk a mile on foot to reach the village, the air was actually pure and fresh actually. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to the village, that was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
evening and
we set up the tent to sleep,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that, we had cooked and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
then
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IELTS essay Paragraph about a trip to countryside

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
114 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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