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goverment should pay for student in necessary fields

goverment should pay for student in necessary fields jDo0L
For years, there has been a gap between the number of graduates from the university and the demand of labor market, particularly in certain fields. Therefore, some people suggest that the government should subsidize students who study faculties highly demanded from the society and reduce funding others. This essay outlines the upsides and downsides of this view and gives my opinion on this issue. Firstly, this policy can reduce unemployment rate because it reduces the number of people studying jobs with low employment demand. Secondly, it addresses the shortage of labor in some necessity works such as teacher, nurse or police. For example, in Vietnam, for a long time, there was a lack of teacher in secondary schools, so the government applied free-tuition policy for training teachers in universities. As a result, more people went to this sector and now the demand for teachers in school is satisfied. On the other hand, this policy can cause inequality in education as people with different abilities cannot go to a handful of faculties subsidized by the government. They have to suffer a heavier financial burden that others. In addition, the market demand can change so quickly that the government cannot react on time with such changes. Consequently, it makes the gap between education and market bigger and unemployment rate may increase. To exemplify, five years ago, it was easy to get a job in finance industry with high income and good benefit. People were attracted and a huge number of people went to finance universities. However, now, there is a redundancy in this sector and many people have to change their jobs or be unemployed. In conclusion, I oppose this policy due to its disadvantage outweigh its advantage. Providing sufficient information and job guidance program would be more useful in helping people to choose their career.
For years, there has been a gap between the number of graduates from the university and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
of labor market,
particularly
in certain fields.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should subsidize students who study faculties
highly
demanded from the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
funding others. This essay outlines the upsides and downsides of this view and gives my opinion on this issue.

Firstly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with low employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
.
Secondly
, it addresses the shortage of labor in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessity works such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, nurse or police.
For example
, in Vietnam, for a long time, there was a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in secondary schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
applied free-tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
for training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in universities.
As a result
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went to this sector and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in school
is satisfied
.

On the other hand
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
can cause inequality in education as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
abilities cannot go to a handful of faculties subsidized by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer a heavier financial burden that others.
In addition
, the market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot react on time with such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the gap between education and market bigger and unemployment rate may increase. To exemplify, five years ago, it was easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in finance industry with high income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
benefit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
were attracted
and a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went to finance universities.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there is a redundancy in this sector and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or
be unemployed
.

In conclusion
, I oppose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
due to its disadvantage outweigh its advantage. Providing sufficient information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
guidance program would be more useful in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose their career.
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IELTS essay goverment should pay for student in necessary fields

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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