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Is using social media making us less social? Why (not)?

Is using social media making us less social? Why (not)? 3WA6N
Nowadays, many people are wondering about the reality of social media and it effects on our life. Among the pandemic COVID-19 that is becoming more and more complicated, people have dificulty in meeting and communicating. In my opinion, it is true that using social media is making us less social for several reasons and I will present in the next paragraph. Social is more and more developed, and this is the reason which makes many things to change, include technology. According to a research of Harvard University, more than 90% students use social media to learn, chat with friends, read news and so on. Thanks to this survey, we can see that the important of social media is very clearly because it seems have many superior advantages and conveniences. However, when social media develop, people are gradually becoming less communicate and they just work via smartphone or laptop screen. This makes people less confident and become clumsy when talking about a certain subject. I used to read an article which showed that a person could become more confortable when chatting with friends on social media but he could not do that on real life. I will take an example that when we go to the coffee, it is really bad if we surf network instead of talking together. Therefore, I presume that we should not spend much time to use social media. In general, using social media is not bad. However, we should manage time to use social networks more effectively. Technological development is a good thing, but users must know how to restrain themselves so as not to face the troubles that social networks bring.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wondering about the reality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and it effects on our life. Among the pandemic COVID-19
that is
becoming more and more complicated,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
dificulty
in meeting and communicating. In my opinion, it is true that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is making us less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
for several reasons and I will present in the
next
paragraph.

Social is more and more developed, and this is the reason which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, include technology. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
of Harvard University, more than 90% students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to learn, chat with friends, read news and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Thanks to this survey, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
clearly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Probably a preposition is missing after 'seems'.
seems have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
superior advantages and conveniences.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
develop,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
gradually
becoming less
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
communicate and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
work via smartphone or laptop screen.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less confident and become clumsy when talking about a certain subject. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to read an article which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that a person could become more
Possible spelling mistake found.
confortable
when chatting with friends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he could not do that on real life. I will take an example that when we go to the coffee, it is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
if we surf network
instead
of talking together.
Therefore
, I presume that we should not spend much time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

In general
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
However
, we should manage time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks more
effectively
. Technological development is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how to restrain themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to face the troubles that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks bring.
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IELTS essay Is using social media making us less social? Why (not)?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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