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Overweight Teenagers Should Be Educated More About Physical Lessons

Overweight Teenagers Should Be Educated More About Physical Lessons 96V5w
The number of overweight teenagers became more and more popular in recent years. Teenagers’ body weight influences directly their health. Excess weight may result in a lot of health problems such as high blood pressure, diabetics and high cholesterol, others could be joint disorders, sleeping and breathing problems. It is my point that the school should organize more physical classes for all teenagers in order to help them to become healthier. First of all, schools should arrange various sports activities. Based on there are many different abilities and interests of students, they could be well educated and get to understand which types of sports best fit them. Not every type of sport fits all fat and skinny students. Teachers could explain to all students the benefits of frequent exercises. It could be a lifetime good habit. Furthermore, organize students with obesity to do exercise can also treat their self-discipline. Overweight boys and girls can do the less energy consuming exercises before they could handle it. Yoga and jogging are good ideas for them. If they have a belief that sports are good for physical health, they would eventually insist and do it with patience. It is helpful to their growth, health and also their learning attitude if they keep doing sports. To conclude, more physical lessons are essential and will do good for all students especially those oversize ones. More physical lessons should be added to young oversize students and they should be reminded more about the consequence if they don’t do sports.
The number of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
became more and more popular in recent years.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
’ body weight influences
directly
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Excess weight may result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems such as high blood pressure, diabetics and high cholesterol, others could be joint disorders, sleeping and breathing problems. It is my point that the school should organize more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
classes for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become healthier.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, schools should arrange various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities. Based on there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
abilities and interests of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they could be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to understand which types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
best fit them. Not every type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
fits all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and skinny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Teachers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the benefits of frequent exercises. It could be a lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
habit.

Furthermore
, organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with obesity to do exercise can
also
treat their self-discipline. Overweight boys and girls can do the less energy consuming exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they could handle it. Yoga and jogging are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for them. If they have a belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, they would
eventually
insist and do it with patience. It is helpful to their growth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
also
their learning attitude if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing sports.

To conclude
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
lessons are essential and will do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
especially
those oversize ones. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
lessons should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to young oversize
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they should
be reminded
more about the consequence if they don’t do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
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IELTS essay Overweight Teenagers Should Be Educated More About Physical Lessons

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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