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overweight in childern is a problem nowadays, some people claim that government have to take full responsibility for this problem. in what extent do you agree or not agree?

overweight in childern is a problem nowadays, some people claim that government have to take full responsibility for this problem. in what extent do you agree or not agree? EwPDR
In recent years, obesity has become increasingly / one of the most serious health problems among people of all ages, especially children. While some people claim that the government should take full responsibility to find the solution for this problem, there are those who believe that parents and shools also play an important role in dealing with the issue and I also agree with this. On the one hand, there are several solutions on this problem that the authority should consider. First, the government may have some advertise campaigns about the negative effects of obesity to raise the public’s awareness. By this way, people will be encouraged to have an active, healthy lifestyle. Second, advertisements on foods and drinks that contain high sugars and fat should be restricted on TV and other mass media. On the other hand, parents and school are also responsible for maintaining low level of overweight among their children. One of the main causes of obesity and unhealthy in children is the choice of daily diet by their parents. A healthy nutritional balanced diet is necessary for every single child to grow up normally without any serious diseases. In addition, as the lack of physical exercises can also lead to an obese child, an amount of physical sessions should be held weekly by schools for their young students to keep fit and stay healthy. In conclusion, childhood obesity has become a rising issue in modern society, but I strongly believe that it can still be controlled if the government, parents and schools get together to help our young generation.
In recent years, obesity has become
increasingly
/ one of the most serious health problems among
people
of all ages,
especially
children. While
some
people
claim that the
government
should take full responsibility to find the solution for this problem, there are those who believe that
parents
and
shools
also
play an
important
role in dealing with the issue and I
also
agree
with this.

On the one hand, there are several solutions on this problem that the authority should consider.
First
, the
government
may have
some
advertise campaigns about the
negative
effects of obesity to raise the public’s awareness. By this way,
people
will
be encouraged
to have an active, healthy lifestyle. Second, advertisements on foods and drinks that contain high sugars and
fat
should
be restricted
on TV and other mass media.

On the other hand
,
parents
and school are
also
responsible for maintaining low level of overweight among their children. One of the main causes of obesity and unhealthy in children is the choice of daily diet by their
parents
. A healthy nutritional balanced diet is necessary for every single child to grow up
normally
without any serious diseases.
In addition
, as the lack of physical exercises can
also
lead to an obese child, an amount of physical sessions should
be held
weekly by schools for their young students to
keep
fit and stay healthy.

In conclusion
, childhood obesity has become a rising issue in modern society,
but
I
strongly
believe that it can
still
be controlled
if the
government
,
parents
and schools
get
together to
help
our young generation.
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IELTS essay overweight in childern is a problem nowadays, some people claim that government have to take full responsibility for this problem. in what extent do you agree or not agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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