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Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems. v.34

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems. v. 34
The rising number of population in metropolitan places has caused significant repercussions. This has resulted in the incessant spread of pollution and an escalation of poverty. However, there are several preventive measures that the government can implement in order to address this social problem. Primarily, it is often said that an increase of inhabitants in a well-established region is accompanied by a rise in pollution. In cosmopolitan regions, there are impoverished groups who live in squalor. Some of them have chosen to settle in the city because they believe that that they can easily find an employment in this place. For example, in the Philippines, there are poor individuals who built homes in the boulevard of Metro Manila, thus contributing to the amount of waste. Clearly, these people dispose of their rubbish to the ocean, which may harm marine animals. In addition, it is apparent that most of the less affluent cohort has a large number of families. These members have personal needs, which cause a burden to the breadwinner of the family. Since the city has a number of educated workers the impecunious group often seems to struggle in searching a better employment. To illustrate, they cannot procure a decent job since they did not finish their education. Hence, these people will suffer from poverty, which results in higher incidences of famine. However, it can never be denied that the government can implement platforms, which will mitigate the social dilemma. First of all, they can increase the number of employment offers in suburbs such as providing them lands that can be cultivated. Therefore, impoverished people will not aggregate in the city. Secondly, the government can provide programs such as sex education to these individuals. As an instance, public health practitioners can orient them the appropriate use of contraceptives, which will control the number of family members. To conclude, the proliferation of pollution and the exacerbation of poverty are the negative ramifications of a rise of residents in the city. Nevertheless, government’s projects can curtail this social issue. It is very likely that the poverty will be in control if the government provides them job opportunities in suburbs.
The rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of population in metropolitan places has caused significant repercussions. This has resulted in the incessant spread of pollution and an escalation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
However
, there are several preventive measures that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can implement in order to address this social problem.

Primarily
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that an increase of inhabitants in a well-established region
is accompanied
by a rise in pollution. In cosmopolitan regions, there
are impoverished
groups who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in squalor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them have chosen to settle in the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
they can
easily
find an employment in this place.
For example
, in the Philippines, there are poor individuals who built homes in the boulevard of Metro Manila,
thus
contributing to the amount of waste.
Clearly
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dispose of their rubbish to the ocean, which may harm marine animals.
In addition
, it is apparent that most of the less affluent cohort has a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of families. These members have personal needs, which cause a burden to the breadwinner of the family.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the city has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of educated workers the impecunious group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
seems to struggle in searching a better employment. To illustrate, they cannot procure a decent job since they did not finish their education.
Hence
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, which results in higher incidences of famine.

However
, it can never
be denied
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can implement platforms, which will mitigate the social dilemma.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employment offers in suburbs such as providing them lands that can
be cultivated
.
Therefore
, impoverished
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not aggregate in the city.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide programs such as sex education to these individuals. As an instance, public health practitioners can orient them the appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of contraceptives, which will control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of family members.

To conclude
, the proliferation of pollution and the exacerbation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications of a rise of residents in the city.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
projects can curtail this social issue. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
will be in control if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides them job opportunities in suburbs.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems. v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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