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Overpopulation and Unsustainable resources

Overpopulation and Unsustainable resources d5K5r
Nowadays, population of the Earth are already at the stage of unsustainable. The lack of nature resources are being experienced by the whole society. This essay will be discussed the effects towards overpopulation and possible solutions to overcome this problem. To begin, the increase number of population gives several drawbacks in to the society. Firstly, the act of deforestation and destroy animal habitat. It is because, people need place for they and their family to live. The more number of people live in this planet would likely to demolish the nature and it could be lead to some animal extinction. Besides, there are some countries or cities which the citizen are mostly living in poverty. For example, Jakarta is one of the overpopulated city in Indonesia. Almost 60% of their citizen have been living in poverty due to lack of job opportunity and the high living standard in the big city. Children are mostly facing the shortage of education because they have responsibility to help their parents to earn money. This is the consequences that most likely to happen if the population keeps growing. Nevertheless, there are some possible solution can be addressed to these problems. One of them is the government or the authorities need to move some of their people from the most populated to the least populated city in their country. It means, transmigration likely bring the balance to the economics of the society because they could have same proportion of job opportunities. Moreover, the campaign of birth control is absolute solutions. For instance, the program of birth control has been succeeded in China for years. Previously, Chinese has been the most overpopulated country among the others, however, since this program actively sounded by the authorities it happened to decrease the number of natality in China. Thus, some measures could be consider as the right method to reduce the number of population. In conclusion, overpopulation could lead to be harmful not only for human but also for another living things and I believe that some measures that already be addressed could help to overcome these problem.
Nowadays, population of the Earth are already at the stage of unsustainable. The lack of nature resources are
being experienced
by the whole society. This essay will
be discussed
the effects towards overpopulation and possible solutions to overcome this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of population gives several drawbacks in to the society.
Firstly
, the act of deforestation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
animal habitat. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need place for they and their family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The usual preposition for 'planet' is "on". Did you mean "live on this planet"?
live in this planet
would likely to demolish the nature and it could be lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
animal extinction.
Besides
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which the citizen are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in poverty.
For example
, Jakarta is one of the overpopulated city in Indonesia. Almost 60% of their citizen have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in poverty due to lack of job opportunity and the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city. Children are
mostly
facing the shortage of education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents to earn money. This is the consequences that most likely to happen if the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
growing.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solution can
be addressed
to these problems. One of them is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or the authorities need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the most populated to the least populated city in their country. It means, transmigration likely bring the balance to the economics of the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could have same proportion of job opportunities.
Moreover
, the campaign of birth control is absolute solutions.
For instance
, the program of birth control has
been succeeded
in China for years. Previously, Chinese has been the most overpopulated country among the others,
however
, since this program
actively
sounded by the authorities it happened to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
natality
in China.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures could be
Consider using the past participle "considered"?
consider
as the right method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of population.

In conclusion
, overpopulation could lead to be harmful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
things and I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that already
be addressed
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to overcome
Did you mean "this problem" or "these problems"?
these problem
.
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IELTS essay Overpopulation and Unsustainable resources

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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