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Do you think happiness depends upon money?

Do you think happiness depends upon money? QV98L
In this century, no one can refuse that money is standard of living. Having a lot of money means you can buy many things. Although money is a great thing, I disagree that happiness depends upon money. Family, friends, and freedom can make you feel pleasant too. To begin with, family is commonly basic factor for happiness. It is a place where you can throw concerns away. Strong relationship of family always consoles and increases confidence for you which you couldn’t buy. Also, it’s no matter how you are, poor or rich, you are always a family, and they always love you. Secondly, having good friends is a key of being enjoyable life. They are people who you communicate with, share opinion, and help you. Students always meet their group in free time and enjoy, sometimes they go out together to make a good time. Conversely, loneliness affects your health and thinking, be the cause of being dementia. Finally, everyone always feels happy to be freedom. You can totally be yourself and do whatever you want. People in Bhutan: the happiest country do their work and have their hobbies independently everyday. On the other hand, Angola is one of unhappy country in the world where people have very low level of freedom to make life choices. In conclusion, we know money become one part of our lives, It can make you happy in buying a thing but it is not all of happiness. There are more factors such as family, friends, and freedom for happiness. In my opinion true happiness is not from things you buy, but it is when your heart feels it is completely fulfilled.
In this century, no one can refuse that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is standard of living. Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
means you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a great thing, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
, friends, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you feel pleasant too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
commonly
basic factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. It is a place where you can throw concerns away. Strong relationship of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always consoles and increases confidence for you which you couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Also
, it’s no matter how you are, poor or rich, you are always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
you.

Secondly
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends is a key of being enjoyable life. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who you communicate with, share opinion, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you. Students always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their group in free time and enjoy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they go out together to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time.
Conversely
, loneliness affects your health and thinking, be the cause of being dementia.

Finally
, everyone always feels happy to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. You can
totally
be yourself and do whatever you want.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in Bhutan: the happiest country do their work and have their hobbies
independently
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
On the other hand
, Angola is one of unhappy country in the world where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
life choices.

In conclusion
, we know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
become one part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, It can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you happy in buying a thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There are more factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, friends, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my opinion true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not from things you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is when your heart feels it is completely fulfilled.
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IELTS essay Do you think happiness depends upon money?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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