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overconsumption in the modern world due to noticeable breakthroughs in machine learning, chemical and medical industries etc. v.1

overconsumption in the modern world due to noticeable breakthroughs in machine learning, chemical and medical industries etc. v. 1
It has been argued by some researchers that our personality and development has more effects on personal traits we are born. But, others like to believe that it depends on personal experience. I think biological factors such as genes play an important role in influencing our traits and development ourselves. However, experiences act more significantly than genetic factors. In this essay, I focus more on experiences because it helps to learn new things and to distinguish between right and wrong with appropriate templates from my vision. To commence, we can learn so many things through the experiences and can also build our traits and developing our thoughts. Even children can learn through experiences at an early stage. When we gather experiences from seniors, it will help us to enrich personality and skills in any particular area. There are so many things in our life that come from experiences merely such as high responsibility, taking correct decisions in challenging times. For example, the first developing country is making its development by innovators, teachers, doctors, engineers who are highly experienced. On the flip side, if you want to develop your distinguished power, you will have to be an experienced human. An experienced individual can able to create differences between appropriate and wrong. Moreover, experience helps to take appropriate decisions at risky times. A highly experienced man makes wrong barely. For instance, many psychologists have already proved that an experienced human has a significant ability to find out which is wrong and legal. In conclusion, it is also foreseen that through experience, you can able to learn things and make a good comparison of legitimate and wrong.
It has
been argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers that our personality and development has more effects on personal traits we
are born
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, others like to believe that it depends on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
biological factors such as genes play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in influencing our traits and development ourselves.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
act more
significantly
than genetic factors. In this essay, I focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new things and to distinguish between right and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
with appropriate templates from my vision.

To commence, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and can
also
build our traits and developing our thoughts. Even children can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
at an early stage. When we gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
from seniors, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to enrich personality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in any particular area. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in our life that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
merely
such as high responsibility, taking correct decisions in challenging times.
For example
, the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
is making its development by innovators, teachers, doctors, engineers who are
highly
experienced.

On the flip side, if you want to develop your distinguished power, you will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
human. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
individual
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
create differences between appropriate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to take appropriate decisions at risky times. A
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
barely
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
psychologists have already proved that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
human has a significant ability to find out which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
and legal.

In conclusion
, it is
also
foreseen that through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, you
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
comparison of legitimate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay overconsumption in the modern world due to noticeable breakthroughs in machine learning, chemical and medical industries etc. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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