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Over consuming sugar is unhealthy.Some people think that the government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility for sugar intake. What is your opinion on this? Discuss both views

Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that the government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility for sugar intake. What is your opinion on this? Discuss both views 5d6n
Overconsumption of sugar can be harmful for the human body. According to many people, the control of this issue should be taken by the government, while others think that sugar intake is an individual's responsibility. In my opinion, it is an individual's problem to take care of their health responsibility therefore, the government can only raise awareness of sugar intake. Firstly, many people think the solution to this issue (name it again) is the control of the government such as; higher taxes on sugar which will discourage people to buy them. However, to get a permanent solution, health awareness programs would be a better solution to deal with this health issue. I partially agree with this opinion, to give an example in Turkey the government put taxes on cigarettes, tea and coffee despite this raise people in Turkey do not stop buying and smoking. Secondly, everyone has different types of body and requirements therefore it is not anyone’s business to take care of individuals consumption of sugar. A person who is aware of health issues will have self-control and consume less sugar to itself. However, if the government takes control of overconsumption of sugar, the prevention would be an unfair way to those who consume normally. For instance, some people who go on a diet are conscious of sugar intake, therefore, restrictions are redundant for them. To conclude, although others think the government should take the responsibility, in my opinion, the government can only raise the awareness of health and overconsumption of sugar. On account of this, individuals should be more conscious of their health and consume less sugar.
Overconsumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can be harmful for the human body. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the control of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
should
be taken
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake is an individual's responsibility. In my opinion, it is an individual's problem to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
responsibility
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
raise awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
(name it again) is the control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
such as; higher taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
which will discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
However
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a permanent solution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness programs would be a better solution to deal with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, to give an example in Turkey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
put taxes on cigarettes, tea and coffee despite this raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Turkey do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
buying and smoking.

Secondly
, everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of body and requirements
therefore
it is not anyone’s business to take care of individuals consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. A person who is aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
will have self-control and consume less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
to itself.
However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes control of overconsumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, the prevention would be an unfair way to those who consume
normally
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go on a diet are conscious of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake,
therefore
, restrictions are redundant for them.

To conclude
, although others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take the responsibility, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
raise the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and overconsumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. On account of this, individuals should be more conscious of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and consume less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
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IELTS essay Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that the government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility for sugar intake. What is your opinion on this? Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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