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Outside factors play a bigger part in children lives these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Outside factors play a bigger part in children lives these days. Qjq1
I remember when I was a child I spent more time with my family. They were influencial on me. Today, the generation gap is more widening than before and I believe that external factors play an important role in children lives. In my opinion, media is very popular among children. These days, parents are too busy and they don’t have enough time to spend with their kids. In last decades, it was more common for parents to engage in family conversation during the day. Nowadays, each family member might be busy with their smartphone. Social media is too interesting for children and their lives are affected by these platforms such as Youtube. My cousin always keeps a full eye on these platforms. He doesn’t show attention on his family and he has learned some destructive behaviours such as violence. Furthermore, friends have influence on a kid life. Children spend more time with their peers at school and outside of it. It is quite easy for them to get influenced by their friends. Some children want to something to make them popular among their friends such as smoking. However, friendship could be useful for kids. It teaches them how they can trust others or have a good communication in society. Therefore, good or bad friends have their own affects. I remember my close friend encouraged me to do some useful activities to promote my creativity. He has really instructive impact on me. I loved my best friend even more than my family member. In conclusion, nobody can den the influence of parents on children development but these days, technologies and friends have more influence on kid lives.
I remember when I was a child I spent more time with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They were
Possible spelling mistake found.
influencial
on me.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the generation gap is more widening than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and I believe that external factors play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my opinion, media is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These days, parents are too
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. In last decades, it was more common for parents to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
conversation during the day. Nowadays, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member might be busy with their smartphone. Social media is too interesting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these platforms such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
. My cousin always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
a full eye on these platforms. He doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
attention on his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
he has learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
destructive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
such as violence.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have influence on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend more time with their peers at school and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
it. It is quite easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them popular among their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
such as smoking.
However
, friendship could be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. It teaches them how they can trust others or have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication in society.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
affects. I remember my close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
encouraged me to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful activities to promote my creativity. He has
really
instructive impact on me. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
my best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
even more than my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member.

In conclusion
, nobody can den the influence of parents on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days, technologies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have more influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Outside factors play a bigger part in children lives these days.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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