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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? 625r
There is a significant increase in the rate of crime committed year on year. One of the key factors that contribute to this occurrence is violent video games and a viable solution is to restrict not to selling people who under eighteen years old by the government. Children are being affected by countless games on game store shelves which containing heavy violence. Starting from a young age, being exposed to this genre of games resulting in more aggressive teenagers, and therefore, more violent-tendency adults. For instance, the research conducted by New Life magazine showed many culprits had spent their time playing video games throughout their adolescent period. An effective solution is putting strict laws by the government to prevent children and teenagers from purchasing barbaric video games. In other words, the government has to take responsibility for preserving the mental health of its youth by being sure that those games are not sold to young people and also force them to pay a fine when it is detected. For instance, the government can collect civil fines, if it is able to be detected, from lawbreakers and pay for public seminars conducted by psychiatrists to make awareness about how jeopardy playing those games. To conclude, the major social problem for crimes is the numerous malignant games launched to market, with the help of the government this rate can be leveled down indeed.
There is a significant increase in the rate of crime committed
year on year
. One of the key factors that contribute to this occurrence is violent video
games
and a viable solution is to restrict not to selling
people
who under eighteen years
old
by the
government
.

Children are being
affected
by countless
games
on game store shelves which containing heavy violence. Starting from a young age,
being exposed
to this genre of
games
resulting in more aggressive
teenagers
, and
therefore
, more violent-tendency adults.
For instance
, the research conducted by New Life magazine
showed
many
culprits had spent their time playing video
games
throughout their adolescent period.

An effective solution is putting strict laws by the
government
to
prevent
children and
teenagers
from purchasing barbaric video
games
.
In other words
, the
government
has to
take responsibility for preserving the mental health of its youth by being sure that those
games
are not sold to young
people
and
also
force them to pay a fine when it
is detected
.
For instance
, the
government
can collect civil fines, if it is able to
be detected
, from lawbreakers and pay for public seminars conducted by psychiatrists to
make
awareness about how jeopardy playing those games.

To conclude
, the major social problem for crimes is the numerous malignant
games
launched to market, with the
help
of the
government
this rate can
be leveled
down
indeed
.
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IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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