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Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. To what extent do you agree? v.8

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. v. 8
It argues that our personalities are predefined as an effect of genes before our birth and it is impossible to change. In my view, while I agree that the character of the individual is inborn, it can also be altered. The character of an individual is the one, which is built, before birth genetically. An individual personality is directly related to his or her genes, it is developed pre-birth. People possess behaviour and attitude in the same way as their parent’s nature and they react to different situations the exact way their parents do. That is to say, if a person possesses an aggressive mind, it is highly likely that his or her parents would be short-tempered. A recent survey by the International Institute of London, for instance, showed that children who are polite in nature are highly likely, owing to their parents possessing such attitude. However, personality and behaviour of an individual can be changed. A person may have a certain type of behaviour in his or her outlook, which may not be likable, but it can be altered through environment and guidance. This is because people behave and react the same way they are taught. Similarly, spending time in better circumstances, a bad attitude can be converted to a good one. Research by Oxford University, for example, revealed that out of 100 students, 70 students abandoned their unhappy nature by spending time with happy people and learning about the importance of happiness in life. In conclusion, although some believe that personality is a pre-existing thing, due to genes before birth, in my opinion, the character of a person can be modified, through guidance and environment.
It argues that our personalities
are predefined
as an effect of genes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
our birth and it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. In my view, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the character of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is inborn, it can
also
be altered
.

The character of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is the one, which
is built
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
birth
genetically
. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is
directly
related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
genes, it
is developed
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-birth
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
possess
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and attitude
in the same way
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nature and
they react to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations the exact way their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do.
That is
to say, if a person possesses an aggressive mind, it is
highly
likely that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would be short-tempered. A recent survey by the International Institute of London,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that children who are polite in nature are
highly
likely, owing to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
possessing such attitude.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. A person may have a certain type of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
outlook, which may not be likable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be altered
through environment and guidance. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behave and react the same way they
are taught
.
Similarly
, spending time in better circumstances, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitude can
be converted
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one. Research by Oxford University,
for example
, revealed that out of 100 students, 70 students abandoned their unhappy nature by spending time with happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and learning about the importance of happiness in life.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is a pre-existing thing, due to genes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
birth, in my opinion, the character of a person can
be modified
, through guidance and environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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