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Opinions are divided on whether the media is badly violating many celebrities' privacy or they should give stars more time for themselves.

Opinions are divided on whether the media is badly violating many celebrities' privacy or they should give stars more time for themselves. MqlEo
Opinions are divided on whether the media is badly violating many celebrities' privacy or they should give stars more time for themselves. Personally, I am in agreement with the latter, even though the former also has some positive aspects. It is certainly true that many renowned people have lost their privacy due to the disturbance of the mass media. In fact, the media can help them boost their images and reputation. For instance, celebrities can show the public their pure private life through healthy habits, actions or even relationships such as not using banned substances and participating in charity work aggressively. By this way, stars illustrate that they are moral, straightforward individuals and they deserve current fame. Thus, famous people might not only be highly regarded, admired and respected by the populace but they also have more fans and receive more love. On the one hand, there is a common belief that more privacy should be given to well-known people so they might avoid some problems regarding mental health. By giving them more precious me-time, stars can do whatever they want to unwind and release stress without a fear of being followed, and hence the possibility of feeling happier and mitigating the risk of autism or depression which some celebs have suffered from these days. Furthermore, renowned individuals can have more space to freely create artistic works. Provided that not being bothered by the media, stars may fully concentrate on their works so they feel comfortable and have more ideas to produce something new. To summarize, albeit beneficial to some extent, the invasion of celebs' privacy is not as good as the idea that the media should let famous people enjoy their private life.
Opinions
are divided
on whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You should probably use: "are".
is
badly
violating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities'
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
privacy or
they should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
more time for themselves.
Personally
, I am in agreement with the latter,
even though
the former
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects.

It is
certainly
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lost their privacy due to the disturbance of the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them boost their images and reputation.
For instance
, celebrities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the public their pure private life through healthy habits, actions or even relationships such as not using banned substances and participating in charity work
aggressively
. By this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
illustrate that they are moral, straightforward
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals and
they deserve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
fame.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
highly
regarded, admired and respected by the populace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
have more fans and receive more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

On the one hand, there is a common belief that more privacy should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems regarding mental health. By giving them more precious me-time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
can do whatever they want to unwind and release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
without a fear of
being followed
, and
hence
the possibility of feeling happier and mitigating the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of autism or depression which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebs have suffered from these days.
Furthermore
, renowned individuals can have more space to
freely
create artistic works. Provided that not
being bothered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
may
fully
concentrate on their works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they feel comfortable and have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to produce something new.

To summarize
, albeit beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, the invasion of celebs' privacy is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their private life.
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IELTS essay Opinions are divided on whether the media is badly violating many celebrities' privacy or they should give stars more time for themselves.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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