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Among people it is argued that children should do organised activities in their free time while others justify that it is their decision to what to do in their free time. In this essay I will dicuss both perspectives's arguments. As

Among people it is argued that children should do organised activities in their free time while others justify that it is their decision to what to do in their free time. In this essay I will dicuss both perspectives's arguments. As 7P5yb
Among people it is argued that children should do organised activities in their free time while others justify that it is their decision to what to do in their free time. In this essay I will dicuss both perspectives's arguments. As my personal view, I think it is necessary to make children do organised activities in their free time. On the on hand, Children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time since only leisure time could be considered as their necessity. It might be effective for children to spend their whole leisure time by furnishing their interests rather than parents's duty. In their free time, they can discover new hobbies, and acknowledge more about surroundings. However, this moral can not be justified on all children. Due to they have not sufficient conscious and independence, they tend to giving all their time to fun activities which only lead them to do useless things such as abundance of video game or youtube videos. All children must use some of their time for organising activities since it is the fundanmental of being a responsible person. As a broad view, children who spent their leisure time in organising works will have greater job and communication skills compared to those who have not done. Studies from government show that graduates with higher those experience have more probability to fulfill a occasion.
Among
The comma is probably missing here: "people, it".
people it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should do
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while others justify that it is their decision to what to do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In this essay I will
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicuss
both
Did you mean "perspective's" or "perspectives'"?
perspectives's
arguments. As my personal view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. On the on hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to do what they want to do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could
be considered
as their necessity. It might be effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend their whole leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by furnishing their interests
rather
than
Did you mean "parent's" or "parents'"?
parents's
duty. In their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they can discover new hobbies, and acknowledge more about surroundings.
However
, this moral can not
be justified
on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Due to they have not sufficient conscious and independence, they tend to giving all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead them to do useless things such as abundance of video game or
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
videos. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
since it is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundanmental
of being a responsible person. As a broad view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spent their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
works will have greater job and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
compared to those who have not done. Studies from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that graduates with higher those experience have more probability to fulfill
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
occasion.
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IELTS essay Among people it is argued that children should do organised activities in their free time while others justify that it is their decision to what to do in their free time. In this essay I will dicuss both perspectives's arguments. As

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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