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Online shopping - why or why not?

These days buying things on the internet is becoming more and more popular which means one does not have to go to a shop to buy a thing he wants and rather can order it from his/her computer/mobile and get it delivered at his doorstep. Online shopping was first started in 1990s however it gained popularly in 2000s when mobiles also became essential for all households. To order anything online, you just need a computer or a mobile and a good internet. Buying anything online is just like buying anything from shop except that you can do it from home. It is just not grocieries, you can also purchase books, book airflight/train tickets online. When you are buying anything online, you can also spend time and select from the available choices. Personally speaking, I am a person who does not like to wait in the long queue to buy my stuff and rather I will search in the internet and purchase online. When you buy anything online, if you do not find anything then you can search for that item from another shop or notify the seller that you are looking for an item and he should let you know when it is available again. While we are talking about buying things on the internet, we should also understand advantages and disadvantages of online shopping. Online shopping has definitely made life more comfortable however when you buy things online then you end up by spending more as you buy more things instead of just buying the esssentials. Also people have become lazy and the interaction with the outside world is now decreasing since people don't go out of their houses. However in the recent times, when Covid 19 is at peak, we should not think of interaction and rather maintain social distance. Hence buying things online is safer than going outside.
These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things on the internet is becoming more and more popular which means one does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to a shop to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a thing he wants and
rather
can order it from his/her computer/mobile and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it delivered at his doorstep.

Online shopping was
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
The article is probably missing here: “in the 1990s”.
in 1990s
however
it gained
popularly
The article is probably missing here: “in the 2000s”.
in 2000s
when mobiles
also
became essential for all households. To order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need a computer or a mobile and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
internet.

Buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
from shop except that you can do it from home. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not
Possible spelling mistake found.
grocieries
, you can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
books, book
Possible spelling mistake found.
airflight
/train tickets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. When you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, you can
also
spend time and select from the available choices.

Personally
speaking, I am a person who does not like to wait in the long queue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
my stuff and
rather
I will search in the internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
online.

When you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, if you do not find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
then you can search for that item from another shop or notify the seller that you are looking for an
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
item and
he should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you know when it is available again.

While we are talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things on the internet, we should
also
understand advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
shopping has definitely made life more comfortable
however
when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Did you mean “than”?
then
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up by spending more
Comparison requires “than”, not ‘then’ nor ‘as’.
as
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more things
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
esssentials
.
Also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become lazy and the interaction with the outside world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
decreasing since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't go out of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in the recent times, when
Did you mean “COVID-19” or the alternative spelling “Covid-19” (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
is at peak, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of interaction and
rather
maintain social distance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is safer than going outside.
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IELTS essay Online shopping - why or why not?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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