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I agree that the majority of people work in order to earn money. Before taking any other factors into account, it is normal to first consider the salary that a particular post offers, and it is rare to hear of a person who happily takes a cut in pay when beginning a new job. We all need money to pay for our basic necessities, such as accommodation, bills and food. Many adults also have families who depend on the wages they earn, and at the same time they are conscious of the need to save for the future. If we no longer needed money, I doubt most of us would choose to continue in our jobs.

I agree that the majority of people work in order to earn money. Before taking any other factors into account, it is normal to first consider the salary that a particular post offers, and it is rare to hear of a person who happily takes a cut in pay when beginning a new job. We all need money to pay for our basic necessities, such as accommodation, bills and food. Many adults also have families who depend on the wages they earn, and at the same time they are conscious of the need to save for the future. If we no longer needed money, I doubt most of us would choose to continue in our jobs.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work in order to earn

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
taking any other factors into account, it is normal to
first
consider the salary that a particular
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
post


offers, and it is rare to hear of a person who
happily
takes a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
cut
in pay when beginning a new job. We all need money to pay for our
Consider using “necessities”.
basic necessities
, such as accommodation, bills and food.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adults
also
have families who depend on the wages they earn, and at the same time they are conscious
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
the
need to save for the future. If we no longer
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
needed


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
money
, I doubt most of us would choose to continue in our jobs.
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IELTS essay I agree that the majority of people work in order to earn money. Before taking any other factors into account, it is normal to first consider the salary that a particular post offers, and it is rare to hear of a person who happily takes a cut in pay when beginning a new job. We all need money to pay for our basic necessities, such as accommodation, bills and food. Many adults also have families who depend on the wages they earn, and at the same time they are conscious of the need to save for the future. If we no longer needed money, I doubt most of us would choose to continue in our jobs.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
116 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • I agree that the majority of people work in order to earn money. Before taking any other factors into account, it is normal to first consider the salary that a particular post offers, and it is rare to hear of a person who happily takes a cut in pay when beginning a new job. We all need money to pay for our basic necessities, such as accommodation, bills and food. Many adults also have families who depend on the wages they earn, and at the same time they are conscious of the need to save for the future. If we no longer needed money, I doubt most of us would choose to continue in our jobs.