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If you have to learn a musical instrument, then which way do you prefer to learn it? from a professor/ friend/ internet v.1

If you have to learn a musical instrument, then which way do you prefer to learn it? from a professor/ friend/ internet v. 1
While some people prefer living in a house, others believe that it is more beneficial to reside in apartments. However, I believe that residing in a house has more benefits than staying in an apartment. Some of the possible disadvantages of living in a house are that they are more difficult to manage and are more expensive than apartments. The majority of houses in cities have a big size. While, houses because of their huge size might be difficult to clean, apartments have a smaller space with smaller furniture and can be easily maintained. Also, houses cost more than apartments, therefore, they are unaffordable for the middle class. For example, the people prefer to live in apartments in NewYork because the average working class can afford to rent or buy an apartment. However, there are more positives to living houses than an apartment. Firstly, the bigger space in houses makes it more family friendly. This means that large families could live together under one roof, this would be almost impossible in an apartment. Secondly, houses are usually built with considerable space between them, this makes it possible to live a private life. However, apartments are in the same building and one neighbour could easily know what is happening in the other apartment. Finally, housing environments are usually less noisy than apartments. For instance, most apartments in Europe are demarcated with plywood; a material which is not noise proof. Thus, conversations and loud music could be heard from another apartment. In conclusion, although some people might choose to live in an apartment over a house because they are cheaper and easier to maintain, it seems to me that residing in houses have more advantages. This is because they can accommodate big families and are located in quiet environments.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, others believe that it is more beneficial to reside in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
.
However
, I believe that residing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
has more benefits than staying in an apartment.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
possible disadvantages of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
are that they are more difficult to manage and are more expensive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in cities have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
size. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their huge size might be difficult to clean,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
have a smaller space with smaller furniture and can be
easily
maintained.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
cost more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
,
therefore
, they are unaffordable for the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
NewYork
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the average working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can afford to rent or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an apartment.

However
, there are more positives to living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
.
Firstly
, the bigger space in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more family friendly. This means that large families could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together under one roof, this would be almost impossible in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
are
usually
built with considerable space between them, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a private life.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are in the same building and one
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
could
easily
know what is happening in the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
.
Finally
, housing environments are
usually
less noisy than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
in Europe
are demarcated
with plywood; a material which is not noise proof.
Thus
, conversations and loud music could
be heard
from another apartment.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
over a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are cheaper and easier to maintain, it seems to me that residing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
have more advantages. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can accommodate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
families and
are located
in quiet environments.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay If you have to learn a musical instrument, then which way do you prefer to learn it? from a professor/ friend/ internet v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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