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Online games should be banned for school students. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Online games should be banned for school students. 8509P
In today’s world there has been colossal upsurge in the ongoing debate that children playing online games shall be banned consummately, be it an impoverished or affluent nation. To some people it is believed that playing online games ascend the child skills, while others disagree. In this essay, I will elaborate the good and bad effects of playing the online games. At the outset, there are multiple of benefits, firstly, in today’s technology online games for adolescence aid them to thrive in problem solving, decision-making, improving skills and moreover sharpens in memory. For instance, in United States, parents allow the kids to indulged in online games that benefits, as such knowledge learning, sharpening the brain skills and more over avert from games that are not useful. Needless to say that online games are good when used in an appropriate ways and parents are the one who let their kids to limit in apropos ways. However, there are some pitfalls that can easily overwhelmed on potential benefits of online games. The primary concerns stem from the fact that online playing can lead to anxiety, stress, tensions, heart rate and blood pressure increase causing health problems among kids. It can also result in violence, bullying, fighting; killing. For example, in Nether-land, parents are not aware of the children’s activities for which intervention them in violence and such, resulting to have fighting in families and friends. As a result, it is crucially imperative, the government shall ban utterly online games. To recapitulate from the prepositions aforementioned, one can conclude that despite of having good effects of online games, but the upsides shall look into the matter that online game shall not be banned consummately, the parents shall focus by allowing their kids the appropriate usage of online games and too avert violence games.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world there has been colossal upsurge in the ongoing debate that children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
shall
be banned
consummately
, be it an impoverished or affluent nation. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
ascend the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, while others disagree. In this essay, I will elaborate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games.

At the outset, there are multiple of benefits,
firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for adolescence aid them to thrive in problem solving, decision-making, improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
moreover
sharpens in memory.
For instance
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United States".
in United States
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to indulged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that benefits, as such knowledge learning, sharpening the brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and more over avert from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are not useful. Needless to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in an appropriate ways and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to limit in apropos ways.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls that can
easily
overwhelmed on potential benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The primary concerns stem from the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
can lead to anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, tensions, heart rate and blood pressure increase causing health problems among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. It can
also
result in violence, bullying, fighting; killing.
For example
, in Nether-land,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not aware of the children’s activities for which intervention them in violence and such, resulting to have fighting in families and friends.
As a result
, it is
crucially
imperative, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
shall ban
utterly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games.

To recapitulate from the prepositions aforementioned, one can conclude that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the upsides shall look into the matter that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
game shall not
be banned
consummately
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
shall focus by allowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
the appropriate usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
Did you mean "to avert"?
too avert
violence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Online games should be banned for school students.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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