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Lifestyle affects health, how should health/ medical department responds?

Lifestyle affects health, how should health/ medical department responds? AjQm1
In the 21st century, the majority of the population is living an unhealthy lifestyle due to fast and hectic schedules. Most of the time people are on the move either for the work or studies by ignoring their health. Health experts are debating over this phenomenon by raising their concerns over this severe pandemic. Many blaming individuals for poor lifestyle choices, while others are pointing fingers at governments. In this article, I will discuss the role of health and medical department for this ailment. To begin with, the government has a major role to play when it comes to educating its citizen by conducting awareness programs at regular interval. For instance, a recent campaign by the health department of India on how to lead a healthy lifestyle has received a massive positive response. Post this program people are bit aware and educated for their eating, sleeping and working patterns. Moreover, they have also emphasized the importance of exercise and insisted to a member of society to follow healthy habits. However, these are very little steps by the federal agencies, they should implement strict policies for the employers for reducing toxic and stressful workplace culture. For example, recent labor law in Europe stating lower working hours a week and permitting flexible working patterns was apprised by its citizen and has shown proven results with respect to healthy lifestyle and reduction of stress levels. In conclusion, from the above example, it is evident that although health and the medical department has a vital role to play in enlighting people for embracing a happy and healthy lifestyle, an individual should also be aware and take positive steps for improving their lifestyle after all health is actual wealth.
In the 21st century, the majority of the population is living an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and hectic schedules. Most of the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
either for the work or studies by ignoring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
experts are debating over this phenomenon by raising their concerns over this severe pandemic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
blaming individuals for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
choices, while others are pointing fingers at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. In this article, I will discuss the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and medical department for this ailment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a major role to play when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to educating its citizen by conducting awareness programs at regular interval.
For instance
, a recent campaign by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
department of India on how to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has received a massive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response. Post this program
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
aware and educated for their eating, sleeping and working patterns.
Moreover
, they have
also
emphasized the importance of exercise and insisted to a member of society to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits.

However
, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
steps by the federal agencies, they should implement strict policies for the employers for reducing toxic and stressful workplace culture.
For example
, recent labor law in Europe stating lower working hours a week and permitting flexible working patterns
was apprised
by its citizen and has shown proven results with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and reduction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels.

In conclusion
, from the above example, it is evident that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and the medical department has a vital role to play in
Possible spelling mistake found.
enlighting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for embracing a happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, an individual should
also
be aware and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
steps for improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
after all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is actual wealth.
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IELTS essay Lifestyle affects health, how should health/ medical department responds?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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