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Online education and training is becoming increasingly popular in the business world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

As technology is becoming more and more sophisticated, almost every activity could be done virtually nowadays, especially learning and training. Moreover, since the pandemic started, it is not possible for children to attend offline school as they used to do, which makes online learning the only possible choice to pursue their education. In this essay, I will explain why the potential benefits overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, attaining education and training virtually may offer some benefits. Firstly, it can be easily accessed by anyone throughout the world as long as they have an internet connection. Besides, online courses usually cost less money than the offline ones, which make them more preferable. Secondly, students can attend online school conveniently from their own home with their own facilitation, which can make them enjoy the learning process more. For instance, students do not have to wake up earlier in order to get ready for school, in fact, they can actually join their class from their bed as soon as they wake up. On the other hand, learning online may pose some challenges to not only children, but also parents. To begin with, some people believe that it is only a waste of time as children will not actually pay attention to what they are learning since they are not supervised by a teacher, and eventually they will not understand any of the lesson. Furthermore, they will not have the chance to socialize and play with other children in real life since their only way of communicating is through the screen. In addition, it can also be a challenge for parents, especially those who are working, since they have to not only manage their time between their job and children wisely, but also take part in the learning process, as children will need some guidance and encouragement. In conclusion, although online learning could be seen as a more practical way to pursue your education, attending traditional school and courses with face-to-face meetings can help children improve their social life which is crucial for their wellbeing. Therefore, I remained firmly convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.
As technology is becoming more and more sophisticated, almost every activity could
be done
virtually
nowadays,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and training.
Moreover
, since the pandemic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
, it is not possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
possible choice to pursue their education. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why the potential benefits overshadow the drawbacks.

On the one hand, attaining education and training
virtually
may offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Firstly
, it can be
easily
accessed by anyone throughout the world as long as they have an internet connection.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses
usually
cost less money than the offline ones, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more preferable.
Secondly
, students can attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
conveniently
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
facilitation, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process more.
For instance
, students do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wake up earlier in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, in fact, they can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
from their bed as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they wake up.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
may pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
parents. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a waste of time as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not actually pay attention to what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
since they are not supervised by a teacher, and
eventually
they will not understand any of the lesson.
Furthermore
, they will not have the chance to socialize and play with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in real life since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way of communicating is through the screen.
In addition
, it can
also
be a challenge for parents,
especially
those who are working, since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
manage their time between their job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
wisely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guidance and encouragement.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a more practical way to pursue your education, attending traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and courses with face-to-face meetings can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social life which is crucial for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
Therefore
, I remained
firmly
convinced that the merits
are eclipsed
by the demerits.
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IELTS essay Online education and training is becoming increasingly popular. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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