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TPO 15 learning children financial skill from the younger age make them strong for the future financial responsibilities. v.1

TPO 15 learning children financial skill from the younger age make them strong for the future financial responsibilities. v. 1
In the contemporary era, people are increasingly concerned about education for their children. This lead to the question of young learners should read from a screen, or via traditional print media. Supporters of paper based learning claim that this method boosts concentration and builds focus, while opponents, including myself, strongly believe that online learning is the best medium to adopt in this rapidly changing world. Paper based reading has a long history and it common in the modern society for good reasons. Reading through a book facilitates young ones to fully concentrate on the content of the material and thus he or she might be able to understand the meaning of the text. If a child is using online screen and suddenly a gaming ad pops up, he/she might tempt to click on the link and gets distracted from the learning activity. In addition to focus it also prevents an adolescent health from deteriorating. When youngsters use paper based book, their eyes do not hurt due to excessive strain that comes with blue light emitted by screens. However, the above mentioned side effects of online reading can be minimized by limiting the screen time and add block settings and it is the hour of need to adapt the screen learning. In this constantly evolving world, where we perform most of our duties, such as office assignments and writing research papers, on the online computer screens, we must familiarize our young ones with technology from a young age. In early age learning is instantaneous and robust, thus allows adult to learn through skimming, making online notes and sharing files with friends. These activities not only allow our children to take full advantage of technology but also helps to save the environment. If fewer papers used for printing the books, fewer trees would be cut down, which ultimately reduce the global warming. To conclude, there are two schools of thoughts regarding whether our future generation learn online, or we should continue the paper based print media in the schools and homes. I firmly opine that on screen should be encouraged from an early age with some precautions, as it offers a young child to reap the advantage of modern technology.
In the contemporary era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
increasingly
concerned about education for their children. This lead to the question of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
learners should read from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
, or via traditional print media. Supporters of paper based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
claim that this method boosts concentration and builds focus, while opponents, including myself,
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is the best medium to adopt in this
rapidly
changing world.

Paper based reading has a long history and
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
common in the modern society for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons. Reading through a book facilitates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
fully
concentrate on the content of the material and
thus
he or she might be able to understand the meaning of the text. If a child is using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
and
suddenly
a gaming ad pops up, he/she might tempt to click on the link and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
distracted from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
activity.
In addition
to focus it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
an adolescent health from deteriorating. When youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
paper based book, their eyes do not hurt due to excessive strain that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with blue light emitted by screens.

However
, the above mentioned side effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
reading can
be minimized
by limiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
block settings and it is the hour of need to adapt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. In this
constantly
evolving world, where we perform most of our duties, such as office assignments and writing research papers, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
familiarize our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
with technology from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age. In early age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is instantaneous and robust,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
adult to learn through skimming, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
notes and sharing files with friends. These activities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
our children to take full advantage of technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to save the environment. If fewer papers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for printing the books, fewer trees would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down, which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the global warming.

To conclude
, there are two schools of thoughts regarding whether our future generation learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, or we should continue the paper based print media in the schools and homes. I
firmly
opine that on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
should
be encouraged
from an early age with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precautions, as it offers a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
child to reap the advantage of modern technology.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 15 learning children financial skill from the younger age make them strong for the future financial responsibilities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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