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one person who inspies me

one person who inspies me 3V0b
We all have tough times in our lives. Sometimes we can't find courage or motivation or take inspiration. on the contrary everyone has one person in life who gives advice or life lessons or motivation or inspiration. That could be a singer, actor, writer on the contrary mine is a dancer. Who changed my life and bring my life joy and happiness or excitement. Who encouraged me. He's not that well-known on the contrary he will be. he is changing the life every person in his life. His name is Ömer Yeşilbaş and he is the first person to inspire me and make my dreams come true. Firstly ı want to tell his life a bit owing to the fact that he has such a special and inspirational life. I think everyone oughts to know. He was born in Izmir in 1980. He is actually from Diyarbakır. His family not that rich, and he wasn't going to college due to the fact of money, and he has taken care of his family, and he oughts to work. He started to dance when he was 22 with his friends' support. He always wanted to be a dancer, and he wanted to change something in our country. on the contrary at this point that was impossible for him. He has a plethora of responsibilities. on the contrary he didn't give up. He worked a lot. He traveled for an hour to go to dance school without having money, without eating, and with hitchhiking. A few years later he joined a competition, and he won it. And after that, his life merely started. When he first opened Dansfabrika is merely a tiny company. on the contrary it grew and It became a well-known large company. First, he had no idea what he is doing or even this is right or not on the contrary he didn't know what it is going to be in five years. Now he is working with Nike and other enormous companies. He is teaching ever supremely in this world. Like America, Bulgaria, Poland, Germany etc. He is taking care of his family immensely well and in the end, he is living his dreams. He is growing each day, learning new things. And most importantly in our country, something is changed. He did what he said. Now he is sharing his knowledge with us. In our ffirst lesson, he said that we shouldn't give up, and we shouldn't even think to give up bin light of the fact thatthinking give up for losers. That changedmy life. In each class we merelydidn't dance we learned how to dance and how to express our feelings and show what we feel. I was a veextremely shy and introverted person went ı was first going there. I was afraid of the crowd and people. on the contrarynow ı changed ı feel more comfortable and relax. And now ı feel like ı can makeit happen everything if ı really want to. Bein light of the fact that have power, and he gave me that courage to understand my power and abilities and everything helped me understand who I am ad what ı capable of. In conclusion, his passion and dedication to dance is soconsequently. And he is never given up, and he is even never thankto give up. These are my inspiration for everything. And he expect from us show or passion emotion, feelings, our dedication. And thank to him ı learned these things from him. He has such huge knowledge. He wants to pass it on to everyone. And he is representing our country to the whole world. And he is changing something in the universe. And we will hear his name more each each day.
We all have tough times in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we can't find courage or motivation or take inspiration.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contrary
everyone has one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
advice or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons or motivation or inspiration. That could be a singer, actor, writer on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contrary
mine is a dancer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and bring my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
joy and happiness or excitement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
encouraged me. He's not that well-known on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contrary
he will be. he is changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. His name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ömer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Yeşilbaş and
he is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to inspire me and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.

Firstly
ı want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
a bit owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that he has such a special and inspirational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
everyone
Possible spelling mistake found.
oughts
to know. He
was born
in Izmir in 1980. He is actually from Diyarbakır. His family not that rich, and he wasn't going to college due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
of money, and he has taken care of his family, and he
Possible spelling mistake found.
oughts
to work. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
when he was 22 with his friends' support. He always wanted to be a dancer, and he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
something in our country.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contrary
at this point that was impossible for him. He has a plethora of responsibilities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contrary
he didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up. He worked a lot. He traveled for an hour to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
school without having money, without eating, and with hitchhiking. A few years later he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a competition, and he won it. And after that, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
opened
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dansfabrika
is
merely
a tiny
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contrary
it grew and It became a well-known large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
First
, he had no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what he is doing or even this is right or not on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contrary
he didn't know what it is going to be in five years.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is working with Nike and other enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. He is teaching ever
supremely
in this world. Like America, Bulgaria, Poland, Germany etc. He is taking care of his family
immensely
well and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, he is living his dreams. He is growing each day, learning new things. And most
importantly
in our country, something is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. He did what he said.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is sharing his knowledge with us.

In our
Possible spelling mistake found.
ffirst
lesson, he said that we shouldn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up, and we shouldn't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up bin light of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
Possible spelling mistake found.
thatthinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up for losers. That
Possible spelling mistake found.
changedmy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
we
Possible spelling mistake found.
merelydidn
't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
we learned how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
and how to express our feelings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
what we feel. I was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
veextremely
shy and introverted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
went ı was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
going there. I was afraid of the crowd and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
contrarynow
ı
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
ı feel more comfortable and relax. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
ı feel like ı can
Possible spelling mistake found.
makeit
happen everything if ı
really
want to.
The genitive is possibly missing.
Bein light
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that have power, and he gave me that courage to understand my power and abilities and everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
I am ad what ı capable of.

In conclusion
, his passion and dedication to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
soconsequently
. And he is never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
up, and he is even never
Possible spelling mistake found.
thankto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up. These are my inspiration for everything. And he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "expects", "expected".
expect
from us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
or passion emotion, feelings, our dedication. And thank to him ı learned these things from him. He has such huge knowledge. He wants to pass it on to everyone. And he is representing our country to the whole world. And he is changing something in the universe.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
And
we will hear his name more
Possible typo: you repeated a word
each each
day.
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IELTS essay one person who inspies me

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
623 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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