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One good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Despite the expansion of terrorism and hatred worldwide, it is often believed that events such as global athletic events will help to foster the harmony in the world. I agree with the statement. In this essay, I will explain how these global games have paved the way to building world symmetry by inculcating the spirit of oneness and strengthening the sport political tie-ups. To begin with, universal games such as Olympics, Commonwealth, Paralympics promotes peaceful international relations among diverse peoples. It infuses the feeling of universal brotherhood and a sense of unity. To exemplify, all athletes, irrespective of any nationality, caste, religion or race, participating in the international competitions have the same enthusiasm of winning the game for their country. Moreover, these athletic events provide a sense of common emotions of either happiness or sadness that unite the spectators. For instance, we often see that crowd together cheers and support their favorite teams or stars during the game. Another way to maintain global peace is to nourish the international political system by means of sport politics mechanism. This helps in strengthening the diplomatic relations among different nations fostering growth and tranquility. Individual nations are placing sport as a main pillar in their foreign policy to maximize their trade and investment opportunities and build linkages with other nations. Moreover, these worldwide level sports acts as an icebreaker between the two nations and helps in creating a lasting dialogue and better cultural understanding. For example, during 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea, the participation of North Korea in the games saw a new beginning of their friendship. To conclude, I am of the opinion that these global sports meet, possess the characteristic of brotherhood, unification and increased mutual understanding among nations by easing the conflicts, thereby promoting peace globally.
Despite the expansion of terrorism and hatred worldwide, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to foster the harmony in the world. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have paved the way to building world symmetry by inculcating the spirit of oneness and strengthening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
political tie-ups.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Olympics, Commonwealth, Paralympics promotes peaceful international relations among diverse peoples. It infuses the feeling of universal brotherhood and a sense of unity. To exemplify, all athletes, irrespective of any nationality, caste, religion or race, participating in the international competitions have the same enthusiasm of winning the game for their country.
Moreover
, these athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
provide a sense of common emotions of either happiness or sadness that unite the spectators.
For instance
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that crowd together cheers and support their favorite teams or stars during the game.

Another way to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
peace is to nourish the international political system by means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
politics mechanism. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in strengthening the diplomatic relations among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
fostering growth and tranquility. Individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are placing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a main pillar in their foreign policy to maximize their trade and investment opportunities and build linkages with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Moreover
, these worldwide level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
acts as an icebreaker between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in creating a lasting dialogue and better cultural understanding.
For example
, during 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea, the participation of North Korea in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a new beginning of their friendship.

To conclude
, I am of the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, possess the characteristic of brotherhood, unification and increased mutual understanding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
by easing the conflicts, thereby promoting peace globally.
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IELTS essay One good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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