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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? v.17

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 17
One of the endemic, harsh household duties for advance generations was going shopping; however, people now refer to such activity as a pastime. In my opinion, despite this bias may have some trivial drawbacks, the amount of its social benefits is noteworthy, in the modern lifestyle. From the perspective of positive impact, nowadays, people, either men or women, are tied up in their job, thus, they hardly have sufficient time to spend with their families. Besides, there is a pile of chores concerning their household, which have to be done in their spare time. Therefore, the knock-on effect of shopping is that all family members have a chance to gather together and dispense with any anxieties purchasing their necessary pieces of stuff. For example, offspring can play in the playground when their parents are buying in the storing mall; afterward, they can have dinner at the end of shopping; thanks to the provision of the leisure facilities in present malls, stores, and markets. From the minus side, it can be potential that youngsters compel their parents to pay out on the unnecessary things, or even unhealthy snacks, such as candy, chips, which are perilous for frequent buyers. This downside pales into insignificance, along with the profitable aspects. To illustrate more, the last survey, held by the Yale University, reveals that happiness and having enjoyable activity, increase the life expectancy by 65%; as for, this figure is far higher than the side effects of processed food. In conclusion, some tasks such as, shopping lose their severity, when time goes by, and this upheaval brings a load of benefits with it. Thereby, busy people from all walks of life have an opportunity to spend their shopping time beside their families.
One of the endemic, harsh household duties for advance generations was going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
refer to such activity as a pastime. In my opinion, despite this bias may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trivial drawbacks, the amount of its social benefits is noteworthy, in the modern lifestyle.

From the perspective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or women,
are tied
up in their job,
thus
, they hardly have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their families.
Besides
, there is a pile of chores concerning their household, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be done
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
, the knock-on effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is that all family members have a chance to gather together and dispense with any anxieties purchasing their necessary pieces of stuff.
For example
, offspring can play in the playground when their parents are buying in the storing mall; afterward, they can have dinner at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
; thanks to the provision of the leisure facilities in present malls, stores, and markets.

From the minus side, it can be potential that youngsters compel their parents to pay out on the unnecessary things, or even unhealthy snacks, such as candy, chips, which are perilous for frequent buyers. This downside pales into insignificance, along with the profitable aspects. To illustrate more, the last survey, held by the Yale University, reveals that happiness and having enjoyable activity, increase the life expectancy by 65%; as for, this figure is far higher than the side effects of processed food.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
lose their severity, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
goes by, and this upheaval brings a load of benefits with it. Thereby, busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all walks of life have an opportunity to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
beside their families.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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