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ome People Think That One Should Plan Detailed Activities For Their Leisure Time | Band 7 IELTS Essay Sample

ome People Think That One Should Plan Detailed Activities For Their Leisure Time | Band 7 IELTS Essay Sample XEpYq
People’s opinions differ as to whether they should make plans for the activities which they will be involved in their leisure time or not. While having no plans in place can help them relax better, I believe that making detailed plans in advance is more beneficial. It is true that random-based engagement in their free time can relax them better. It is generally acknowledged that most people are restricted by various kinds of goals, rules or plans, such as completing specific tasks within a specified time period or finishing learning certain subjects on a fixed) timetable. This is the root cause of the extreme levels of stress which the vast majority of individuals are struggling with. Under this circumstance, if they have made specific plans for their activities in forthcoming holidays, this will become goal-oriented and another task like work or study making it harder for them to relax. This is why some reputable corporations have established free areas where employees can arrange their activities based on their preference, without the need to plan in advance, and they believe that this is a more effective way of dispersing their exhaustion and releasing work pressure. On the other hand, I agree with the view that the leisure time should be planned for the sake of using their time efficiently. To be more specific, it is common for numerous people to learn playing instruments or a second language in their free time, and the prerequisites of making progress in such endeavors are long time dedication and detailed plans. In addition, in contemporary settings, it is a norm for people to travel to a tourist destination in their leisure time. However, most traveling attractions are not open round the clock, so it is necessary for them to make relevant plans according to the business time of those attractions. This way, they can avoid wasting time by visiting those places during their closed hours. In conclusion, while the random involvement in some activities in their free time can relax people better, the purposes of that involvement are not confined to relaxation, and they can reap more benefits from making plans in advance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
opinions differ
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which they will
be involved
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or not. While having no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
in place can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
better, I believe that making detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
in advance is more beneficial.

It is true that random-based engagement in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
them better. It is
generally
acknowledged that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are restricted
by various kinds of goals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
, such as completing specific tasks within a specified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period or finishing learning certain subjects on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
Unpaired symbol: '(' seems to be missing
)
timetable. This is the root cause of the extreme levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which the vast majority of individuals are struggling with. Under this circumstance, if they have made specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in forthcoming holidays, this will become goal-oriented and another task like work or study making it harder for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reputable corporations have established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
areas where employees can arrange their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
based on their preference, without the need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
in advance, and they believe that this is a more effective way of dispersing their exhaustion and releasing work pressure.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be planned
for the sake of using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
efficiently
. To be more specific, it is common for numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn playing instruments or a second language in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and the prerequisites of making progress in such endeavors are long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
dedication and detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
.
In addition
, in contemporary settings, it is a norm for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel to a tourist destination in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, most traveling attractions are not open round the clock,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
according to the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of those attractions. This way, they can avoid wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by visiting those places during their closed hours.

In conclusion
, while the random involvement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better, the purposes of that involvement are not confined to relaxation, and they can reap more benefits from making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
in advance.
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IELTS essay ome People Think That One Should Plan Detailed Activities For Their Leisure Time | Band 7 IELTS Essay Sample

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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