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Olympic games were very important and respected in the past. However, some people say that technological improvements have reduced the importance of Olympic games in this 21century. Do you agree or disagree?

Olympic games were very important and respected in the past. However, some people say that technological improvements have reduced the importance of Olympic games in this 21century. 750G6
In present times, participation in Olympians has become ever increasing. In particular, modernisation has improved the ways of sports being played in comparison to earlier time. On the contrary, some critics are only emphasis on past time. I disagree with this notion as current game rules are far better than two decades ago. Analysing both recognisation of sportsman's true ability and fair judgement will prove this. Firstly, authentic physical test of players are crucial parameters before initiation of game. For example, myriad of players use some narcotics and medicine to enhance the body capabilities. Infact, during old times there was no source to detect whether or not sports people consumed any prohibited medicines. With the adoption of technology in game, organisers can easily track the consumption of dissolved medicine in player's body. Ultimately, physical test such as dope testing is bliss of innovation and treat all players fairly. Thus, making it clear rules of new Olympic sports are authentic and such improvisation enhanced respect among participants. Secondly, micro sensors and advanced graphics helps to record the detailing of game being played. For instance, during various games like tennis, Sprint, javelin throw etcetera advance tools activate for game recording. If any incident is missed by human intelligence then with the use of artificial intelligence judges enunciate the results. Consequently, adoption of technology improved the way of fair judgement at end. From this, it becomes quite evident that culture of new Olympic sports has wider scope and often appreciated by current generation. To conclude, involvement of technology in game not only improving the way to assess player's fitness but also helps frequently to announce unbias judgement at the end of game. Hence, it ensures the belief of sports personalities in the Olympian events that they will be treated fairly. Therefore, in my opinion the argument technology is reducing the significance of Olympic games in current era, has not garnered any support.
In present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, participation in Olympians has become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
.
In particular
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
being played
in comparison
to earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
emphasis on past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I disagree with this notion as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are far better than two decades ago.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
both
Possible spelling mistake found.
recognisation
of sportsman's true ability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
judgement will prove this.

Firstly
, authentic physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
of players
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
crucial parameters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
initiation of game.
For example
, myriad of players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
narcotics and medicine to enhance the body capabilities.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infact
, during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
there was no source to detect
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consumed any prohibited medicines. With the adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in game,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisers' is British English.
organisers
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the consumption of dissolved medicine in player's body.
Ultimately
, physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
such as dope testing is bliss of innovation and treat all players
fairly
.
Thus
, making it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of new Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are authentic and such improvisation enhanced respect among participants.

Secondly
, micro sensors and advanced graphics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to record the detailing of game
being played
.
For instance
, during various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like tennis, Sprint, javelin throw etcetera advance tools activate for game recording. If any incident
is missed
by human intelligence then with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of artificial intelligence judges enunciate the results.
Consequently
, adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
judgement at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. From this, it becomes quite evident that culture of new Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has wider scope and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
appreciated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation.

To conclude
, involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in game not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
improving the way to assess player's fitness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
frequently
to announce
Possible spelling mistake found.
unbias
judgement at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of game.
Hence
, it ensures the belief of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities in the Olympian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that they will
be treated
fairly
.
Therefore
, in my opinion the argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is reducing the significance of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era, has not garnered any support.
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IELTS essay Olympic games were very important and respected in the past. However, some people say that technological improvements have reduced the importance of Olympic games in this 21century.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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