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role od parents are nore important that academic education , to what extent do you agree,

role od parents are nore important that academic education, to what extent do you agree, 0paK1
Schools and home have a significant roles in children's life. A number of people claim that parents have more crucial role than the academic education. However, I partially disagree with this statement since I believe both groups have its own significance in their various developmental stages. On the one hand, the proponents  of this argument cite that parents are the first role models of a child and they always tend to exhibit the behaviors that they learnt from them  especially in the very young period. There for its important to be a good examples for the children in order built a better generation. For example,  a study that conducted among prisoners have shown that negative child hood experiencefrom family members and lack of proper their support were the most common cause of juvenile crimes. It has proven that the care takers  have an irreplaceable role in developing useful citizen in future. On the other hand, despite of the fore mentioned argument, it is an undeniable fact that school have a prominent role in children's life as it is the place where they spend most of their valuable time after the home. To explain it further, academic institutions not only inculcate the materialstic knowledge in students but also impart various qualities such as sharing, group dynamics, which can not be learnt from a home environment. In a school, for instance students always get an opportunity to participate in group activities which definitely help them to develop many social skills that required to lead a successful adult life. Thus, school and teachers are important as much as home and parentsIn conclusion, Both parents and school have its own significance in  children's life. provided that one can not replace the roles and responsibilities of other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
and home have a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that parents have more crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
than the academic education.
However
, I
partially
disagree with this statement since I believe both groups have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance in their various developmental stages. On the one hand, the proponents
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
of this argument cite that parents are the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
models of a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
 they always tend to exhibit the behaviors that they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from them
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
especially
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young period. There for
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be a 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples for the children in order built a better generation.
For example
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
a study that conducted among prisoners have shown that 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
child hood
Possible spelling mistake found.
experiencefrom
family members and lack of proper their support were the most common cause of juvenile crimes. It has proven that the care takers
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
have an irreplaceable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in developing useful citizen
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
On the other hand
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the fore mentioned argument, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have a prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as it is the place where they spend most of their valuable time after the home. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, academic institutions not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inculcate the 
Possible spelling mistake found.
materialstic
 knowledge in students 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
impart various qualities such as sharing, group dynamics, which can not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from a home environment. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
for instance
students always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to participate in group activities which definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that required to lead a successful adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and teachers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as much as home and
Possible spelling mistake found.
parentsIn
conclusion, Both parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
 significance in
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
provided
that one can not replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
and responsibilities of other.
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IELTS essay role od parents are nore important that academic education, to what extent do you agree,

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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