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Old people suffer from loneliness and health related problem. What are the causes behind this.

Old people suffer from loneliness and health related problem. What are the causes behind this. m13N8
Aged people get worried about the possibility by which they can live alone and earn possible deseases due. I will offer my ideas based on finding causes of this problem To begin with, many people all over the world live without family members and care by them or anyone else. It leads to variety ilmesses and create dark atmosphere in the place they live. Moreover it causes terrible incidents such as suicid, self-harming or some phisical and mental diabilities. In other words, lifes of these people will be spoiled to the rest of their lifes and if volunteers, goverment managers or family members dont undertake needful measures for saving their lifes But their lifes which transfering to this form has many reaosons. First of all, main cause of unhappy life of aged people is their relatives who couldnt provide attention or look after them as good relatives they have to be for them. It is important to be close to them as much as possible. Secondly. for the life of every person should take a care a government also because one of their goals is cut down the number of unhappy citizens and make their lifes better, if government cant provide roof under head for those who live without connection with external world, then they one of the causers. But measure which can be directed to solve this problem is pay attention for every persons life without any exceptions. Finally, old people unfortunately could be the cause of their sad life situation because of their bad lifestyle or unpretentious attitude to relatives and consequently create problem for themselves. To avoid this, it is enough to be tolerate and polite in comuncation with people and conduct health lifestyle In colusion, reaosons which lead to isoleted from external world lifestyle and causes of phisical and mental deseases are solvable but it doesnt deny this fact that it is still existing and difficult to find solution for overcoming it forever.
Aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worried about the
Bad style. Before 'possible', use a word such as "chance" or "opportunity". Alternatively, keep 'possibility' and remove 'possible'.
possibility
by which they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone and earn possible
Possible spelling mistake found.
deseases
due. I will offer my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
based on finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problem


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without family members and care by them or anyone else. It leads to variety
Possible spelling mistake found.
ilmesses
and create dark atmosphere in the place they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
terrible incidents such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
suicid
, self-harming or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
phisical
and mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
diabilities
.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be spoiled
to the rest of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
and if volunteers,
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
managers or family members
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
undertake needful measures for saving their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lifes


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
which
Possible spelling mistake found.
transfering
to this form has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
reaosons
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is their relatives who
Possible spelling mistake found
couldnt
provide attention or look after them as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relatives they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be for them. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be close to them as much as possible.
Secondly
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of every person should take a care a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one of their goals is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the number of unhappy citizens and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
better, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
provide roof under head for those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without connection with external world, then they one of the causers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
measure which can
be directed
to solve this problem is pay attention for every
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "persons'" or "person's"?
persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without any exceptions.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unfortunately could be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of their sad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle or unpretentious attitude to relatives and
consequently
create problem for themselves. To avoid this, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "tolerated".
tolerate
and polite in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comuncation
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and conduct health
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lifestyle


In
Possible spelling mistake found.
colusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
reaosons
which lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
isoleted
from external world lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
phisical
and mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
deseases
are solvable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
Possible spelling mistake found
doesnt
deny this fact that it is
still
existing and difficult to find solution for overcoming it forever.
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IELTS essay Old people suffer from loneliness and health related problem. What are the causes behind this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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