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Old people helping society with longer life spans

Old people helping society with longer life spans doP3X
Technological advances have been improving a lot for the past years, making life easier in some ways. One of the main areas that have a benefit from the improvements is the health area. Health is very important, we need it to be in the best condition that we can due to the circumstances, consequently this has always been an issue because there are things that we can control due to the recent improvements, like having a longer life spans. This might be shocking at first, but medicine can improve it. Making people older than sixty-five to continue to have a life actively. This is a really good thing because people still can enjoy a full active life with more years, and they can have done a lot things that they like. However, this is something really difficult in some cases, because of the complications that the person may have. Such as bone wear, muscular wear and in general having issues that can be completely cured. As a consequence elderly people can still contribute to the society, and this can have a lot of benefits like younger people learning from them and having a whole different perspective 198. This can also lead to a better quality of products and jobs in general. Because young people think that they need to do everything really quickly, and old people can help to stop that and teach them that is better to take time when needed. So it is necessary that we learn from old people.
Technological advances have been improving a lot for the past years, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways. One of the main areas that have a benefit from the improvements is the health area. Health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, we need it to be in the best condition that we can due to the circumstances,
consequently
this has always been an issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are things that we can control due to the recent improvements, like having a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
spans. This might be shocking at
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
medicine can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
older than sixty-five to continue to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
actively
. This is a
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
can enjoy a full active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with more years, and they can have done
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of things"?
a lot things
that they like.
However
, this is something
really
difficult in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the complications that the person may have. Such as bone wear, muscular wear and
in general
having issues that can be completely cured. As a consequence elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
contribute to the society, and this can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits like younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learning from them and having a whole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective 198. This can
also
lead to a better quality of products and jobs
in general
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they need to do everything
really
quickly
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
that and teach them
that is
better to take time when needed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is necessary that we learn from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Old people helping society with longer life spans

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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