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More And More People Are Suffering From Health Problems Caused By Modern Lifestyle Which Cannot Be Cured With Modern Medicines | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

More And More People Are Suffering From Health Problems Caused By Modern Lifestyle Which Cannot Be Cured With Modern Medicines | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample wB6Oe
Even though modern medicine has increased the life expectancy in general, the overall quality of life has taken a plunge due to health problems caused by the modern lifestyle. While some recommend a complete go back to traditional medicine, may others including me recommend a combination of traditional and modern medicines to adequately address the situation because traditional medicines were designed at a time that did not take the modern lifestyle into account. As technology advanced and demand for goods increased, machines started performing many of the common tasks that humans used to perform because machines are more efficient in performing mundane tasks. As a result, the daily physical activity of humans has significantly decreased; for example, motor cars have eliminated the need to walk or cycle. Furthermore, as population increased the demand for food and supplies has increased with it. To meet that new demand, companies are producing genetically modified crops that yield a higher output but can cause diseases such as cancer. Although traditional medicines are very effective in treating both common and complex health conditions, they are not designed to manage issues caused by the lack of physical activity or the consumption of unhealthy foods. Modern medicine has been making tremendous progress in managing life style problems such as obesity and cancer. However, there are a lot of known and unknown side effects to them because they have not been in the market for long. Traditional medicines on the other hand are devoid of such side effects and can treat a lot of issues that people face today. In addition, since modern medicine has assumed prominence today, traditional medicine is ignored to a great extent and does not receive enough funding. Therefore, traditional medicine is not catching up in some of the areas where modern medicine is doing wonders. In conclusion, modern lifestyle has created medical problems that were absent in the past when humans consumed more natural produce and exercised more. As a result, traditional medicine that was created without taking the modern lifestyle into account cannot solve all the medical problems of the day even though it offers effective cures to many illnesses. Modern medicine, on the other hand, received significant research attention in the last century and has made strides in curing many diseases caused by lifestyle. Therefore, I recommend a combination of both traditional and modern medicines to create a harmonious balance.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
the life expectancy
in general
, the
overall
quality of life has taken a plunge due to health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recommend a complete go back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
, may others including me recommend a combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
medicines to
adequately
address the situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicines
were designed
at a time that did not take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
into account.

As technology advanced and demand for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
, machines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the common tasks that humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
machines are more efficient in performing mundane tasks.
As a result
, the daily physical activity of humans has
significantly
decreased;
for example
, motor cars have eliminated the need to walk or cycle.
Furthermore
, as population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
the demand for food and supplies has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
with it. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
that new demand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are producing
genetically
modified crops that yield a higher output
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can cause diseases such as cancer. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicines are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective in treating both common and complex health conditions, they are not designed to manage issues caused by the lack of physical activity or the consumption of unhealthy foods.

Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has been making tremendous progress in managing life style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as obesity and cancer.
However
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun known seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of knowns", "a lot of knows".
a lot of known
and unknown side effects to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not been in the market for long.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
medicines
on the other hand
are devoid of such side effects and can treat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
issues that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
In addition
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has assumed prominence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
to a great extent and does not receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funding.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is not catching up in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
areas where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is doing wonders.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has created medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that were absent in the past when humans consumed more natural produce and exercised more.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
that
was created
without taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
into account cannot solve all the medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of the day
even though
it offers effective cures to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
,
on the other hand
, received significant research attention in the last century and has made strides in curing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Therefore
, I recommend a combination of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
medicines to create a harmonious balance.
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IELTS essay More And More People Are Suffering From Health Problems Caused By Modern Lifestyle Which Cannot Be Cured With Modern Medicines | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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