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Old people are engaged in plenty of activities.what do old people do on your country and how do those activities help them and the society in general?

Old people are engaged in plenty of activities. what do old people do on your country and how do those activities help them and the society in general? qLXyD
There are different kinds of age stages like teenage, adult, middle and old age. Masses who are above 65, they are undergoing in elderly age. In this age, they are occupied in some of activities. In my country, most of the the aged people are taking care of their grandchildren and also spend time on chartiable socitied and participate such as indoor and outdoor activities. To begin with, aged citizens, who are free from their working plces after the age of 65. But, they are doing numerous things in our home, taking care children, protecting and so on, because, both husband and wife do work for around 12hours nowadays. They do not have too much time for children so, aged citizens help them to take care them and also protect for bad peer groups. A shining example is, if families do nat have head member at their home, they need to hire servants to care offspring. howerver, I think, they are not reliable than the those people who are belongs to our family and also parents do not need to pay. Furthermore, according to me, these activities helps elder individuals in a better way as well as they can meet other people who are in same age. They can share things with them easily which is helping way to away from stress and alonelness. Moreover, some aged citizens perfer to do chartiable activities such as to go for trip, to participate in social and society works and they also like, mediation, exercises so, they can maintain their body and protect from several diseases like obesity, diabetes and joint pain etc. For example, a survey was conducted by Canadian authorities, they reported that, old residents was more active to participate in activities than the adults because, middle age groups, they did not do physical activities and they liked to eat fast food, as a result they were more lazy.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
stages like teenage, adult, middle and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Masses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are above 65, they are undergoing in elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they
are occupied
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my country, most of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their grandchildren and
also
spend time on
Possible spelling mistake found.
chartiable
Possible spelling mistake found.
socitied
and participate such as indoor and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
citizens,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are free from their working
Possible spelling mistake found.
plces
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they are doing numerous things in our home, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
children, protecting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, both husband and wife do work for around 12hours nowadays. They do not have too much time for children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
them and
also
protect for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
peer groups. A shining example is, if families do
Possible spelling mistake found.
nat
have head member at their home, they need to hire servants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
offspring.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
howerver
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, they are not
Use "(reliable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
reliable
than the those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are belongs to our family and
also
parents do not need to pay.
Furthermore
, according to me, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
elder individuals in a better way
as well
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. They can share things with them
easily
which is helping way to away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
alonelness
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
citizens
Possible spelling mistake found.
perfer
to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
chartiable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as to go for trip, to participate in social and society
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
works and
they
also
like, mediation, exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can maintain their body and protect from several diseases like obesity, diabetes and joint pain etc.
For example
, a survey
was conducted
by Canadian authorities, they reported that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
residents was more active to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than the adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups, they did not do physical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they liked to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
as a result
they were more lazy.
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IELTS essay Old people are engaged in plenty of activities. what do old people do on your country and how do those activities help them and the society in general?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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