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offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who

offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who 3bKwX
It is argued that in some countries suffering from high rate of unemployment, providing secondary education for students is pointless since it is impossible for them to have a job in the future to come. Personally, I completely disagree with this view for many reasons. To begin with, offering only primary education for pupils is a short-sighted point of view. Firstly, it would be extremely difficult for people without any certifications or qualifications for find a job. If they are even lucky enough to manage to get an occupation, it would only give them a meager income which will not be enough to support their life and their family. Consequently, they will become a burden to the society. Moreover, if people can only be offered with primary education, there will be a lack of employees in a number of professionals such as teachers and doctors since student are not allowed to enter higher education Additionally, there are many reasons why higher education should be provided. The fundamental reasons is that with tertiary education, students will have more chance to acquire more knowledge that is necessary for their future career. When pupils are being well-equipped with skills which is relevant to their job prospects, they stand a higher chance of getting well-paid jobs. In addition, when people are highly educated, they can sometime create their own opportunities by creating their own firms of companies, thus offering more jobs vacancy which resulting in the reduction of unemployment rate. In conclusion, I am completely against the view that they should only offered primary education to pupils is not a wise decision since secondary education can also be an important factors to help people get a decent job.
It
is argued
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries suffering from high rate of unemployment, providing secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for students is pointless since it is impossible for them to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
Personally
, I completely disagree with this view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for pupils is a short-sighted point of view.
Firstly
, it would be
extremely
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any certifications or qualifications for find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If they are even lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an occupation, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
give them a meager income which will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to support their life and their family.
Consequently
, they will become a burden to the society.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be offered
with primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, there will be a lack of employees in a number of professionals such as teachers and doctors since student are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to enter higher education

Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be provided
. The fundamental reasons is that with tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, students will have more chance to acquire more knowledge
that is
necessary for their future career. When pupils are being well-equipped with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which is relevant to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects, they stand a higher chance of getting well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
In addition
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
highly
educated, they can sometime create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opportunities by creating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
firms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
thus
offering more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
vacancy which resulting in the reduction of unemployment rate.

In conclusion
, I am completely against the view that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
offered primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to pupils is not a wise decision since secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
also
be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "factor"?
factors
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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