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Obesity through junk foods

Obesity through junk foods peb1y
It is true that, most of our young generation have a condition of obesity. Some persons says that the price increasing of junk food will be a solution for this problem. Iam disagreeing with this statement. First of all, there are several points to disagree with this statement. The first point is the convenience food. To be more clear, in our modern world, we get convenience food easily than homely food. It includes all type of foods. In this epidemic situation, most of the people ordered food from some online applications as well as direct buy. So, through this they donot want to move from their own space to cook or buy food items. For example, Maggi is a product which released by Nestlé, a Switzerland company which people can make noodles instantly. Hence one of the major factor is the junk food, because it contains more fat than homely food. Secondly, the next problem is the sedentary lifestyle of the human. People are not like to engage in anykind of physical activities such as excercise or playing any kind of sports. It also become a reason for obesity. Moreover, physical excercises have a major role in maintaining a healthy body. More than that, the children are tempted to buy junk foods because they can buy from their own pocket money. So, increasing price of these fatty food might be a solution in the future. Thus, not excercising can also lead to obesity. To conclude, majority of young generation follows the bad trend of taking junk food. Therefore, increasing the price of convenience food is not the way to reduce its consumption.
It is true that, most of our young generation have a condition of obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
persons
You should probably use "say".
says
that the price increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will be a solution for this problem.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iam
disagreeing with this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are several points to disagree with this statement. The
first
point is the convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, in our modern world, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
easily
than homely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It includes all type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. In this epidemic situation, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ordered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
online applications
as well
as direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, through this they
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
space to cook or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maggi
is a product which released by Nestlé, a Switzerland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
noodles
instantly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
one of the major factor is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contains more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
than homely food.

Secondly
, the
next
problem is the sedentary lifestyle of the human.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are not like to engage in
Possible spelling mistake found.
anykind
of physical activities such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
or playing any kind of sports. It
also
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
a reason for obesity.
Moreover
, physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercises
have a major role in maintaining a healthy body. More than that, the children
are tempted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pocket money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, increasing price of these fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
might be a solution in the future.
Thus
, not
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercising
can
also
lead to obesity.

To conclude
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
young generation follows the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
trend of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Therefore
, increasing the price of convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its consumption.
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IELTS essay Obesity through junk foods

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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