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Obesity is an unhealthy situation in which excessive body fat accumulates to a degree that adversely affects health

Obesity is an unhealthy situation in which excessive body fat accumulates to a degree that adversely affects health 1AyM7
Obesity is an unhealthy situation in which excessive body fat accumulates to a degree that adversely affects health. In the recent decades, childhood obesity is a rising issue for public health in many nations. In this essay concerns with the basic causes of fast food, high sugar level food, and the possible alarming effects of obesity in children, including the body systems. In the with start, one of the primary causes which may influence overweight is unhealthy eating habits. For example, children like to enjoy too fast food, high sugar level food. So, the imbalanced diets can cause children to gain weight. The second cause leads to gain weight that is sedentary lifestyle. For instance, kids have spent on much time in the whole free day for watching television or playing online games instead of playing sports as football, tennis, basketball. As these major causes of obesity in children, so obesity can lead to several pathologies. The first effect is the digestive system in which has associated obesity with a higher risk of gastroesophageal reflux disease, and gain weight also increases the risk of developing gallstones. The second impact is a respiratory system that means fat stored around the neck can make the airway too small, which can make difficult breathing at night so it’s name called sleep apnea. Finally, obesity can affect the mental state of children’s awareness by causing difficulties as depression, inferiority complex, reduced memorizing ability. Therefore, obesity influences their academic progress. In brief,  Obesity is a century disease which is created by imbalanced diet and fewer activities so it affects digestive system, respiratory system and mental status for children in a lot of countries. A healthy nutritional balanced diet is necessary for all ages, especially children. Therefore, their parents should be responsible for the choice of daily diet consumption, which is low cholesterol and rich vitamins. Simultaneously, kids’ parents should also arrange their work in order to play activities outside with their children.
Obesity is an unhealthy situation in which excessive body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
accumulates to a degree that
adversely
affects health. In the recent decades, childhood obesity is a rising issue for public health in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. In this essay concerns with the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, high sugar level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and the possible alarming effects of obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, including the body systems.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, one of the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
which may influence overweight is unhealthy eating habits.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to enjoy too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, high sugar level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the imbalanced diets can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain weight. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
leads to gain weight
that is
sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, kids have spent on much time in the whole free day for watching television or playing online games
instead
of playing sports as football, tennis, basketball.

As these major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obesity can lead to several pathologies. The
first
effect is the digestive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in which has associated obesity with a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of gastroesophageal reflux disease, and gain weight
also
increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing gallstones. The second impact is a respiratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
that means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
stored around the neck can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the airway too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
difficult breathing at night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s name called sleep apnea.
Finally
, obesity can affect the mental state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
awareness by causing difficulties as depression, inferiority complex,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
memorizing ability.
Therefore
, obesity influences their academic progress.

In brief
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Obesity is a century disease which
is created
by imbalanced diet and fewer activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it affects digestive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, respiratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and mental status for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
countries. A healthy nutritional balanced diet is necessary for all ages,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, their parents should be responsible for the choice of daily diet consumption, which is low cholesterol and rich vitamins.
Simultaneously
, kids’ parents should
also
arrange their work in order to play activities outside with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Obesity is an unhealthy situation in which excessive body fat accumulates to a degree that adversely affects health

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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