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Obesity is amajor problem among children these days. What are the causes for this? How can it be tackled?

Obesity is amajor problem among children these days. What are the causes for this? How can it be tackled? Yg1RQ
Nowadays, the number of overweight young kids is increasing all over the world. Children are putting on weight day by day. It brings about serious problems which come up against. In this essay I will attempt to write some causes of obesity and their solutions. Firstly, the main cause is lack of physical exercises among children. Offsprings spend much of their time in front of any kind of screen, such as television, computer or smartphones. They are keen on watching TV lying on their beds all day long. They do not want to try to play outdoor games. Therefore, it causes obesity problems. In this situation, children are usually taken part in regular sportsby their parents. If they do action sports forv a long time, they will lose weightand will become handsome. Another undeniable reason is wrong eating habits. a great number of children are fond of eating fast food, like hotdogor hamburgers. In fact, there is no essential vitamins and minerals in junk food. When overweights eat harmful nutriment repeatedly, it brings terrible influences. The solution of this cause is healthy diet. If they follow a healthy diet, they will be fit. They will be able to run faster and enthuasiastic. In conclusion, lack of physical exercises and wrong eating habits are causes of obesity. Thus, If we follow the solution of problems above, we will accomplish our purpose. When we are active in a daily life, we never put on weight.
Nowadays, the number of overweight young kids is increasing all over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are putting on weight day by day. It brings about serious problems which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up against. In this essay I will attempt to write
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity and their solutions.

Firstly
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
is lack of physical exercises among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Offsprings
spend much of their time in front of any kind of screen, such as television, computer or smartphones. They are keen on watching TV lying on their beds all day long. They do not want to try to play outdoor games.
Therefore
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
obesity problems. In this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
usually
taken part in regular
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportsby
their parents. If they do action sports
Possible spelling mistake found.
forv
a long time, they will lose
Possible spelling mistake found.
weightand
will become handsome.

Another undeniable reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
eating habits.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are fond of eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, like
Possible spelling mistake found.
hotdogor
hamburgers. In fact, there is no essential vitamins and minerals in junk food. When
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweights eat
harmful nutriment
repeatedly
, it brings terrible influences. The solution of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
is healthy diet. If they follow a healthy diet, they will
be fit
. They will be able to run faster and
Possible spelling mistake found.
enthuasiastic
.

In conclusion
, lack of physical exercises and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
eating habits are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity.
Thus
, If we follow the solution of problems above, we will accomplish our purpose. When we are active in a daily life, we never put on weight.
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IELTS essay Obesity is amajor problem among children these days. What are the causes for this? How can it be tackled?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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