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Band 9 essay sample (immigration)

Band 9 essay sample (immigration) Lwpb3
Immigration has a significant impact on the contemporary society. Each year, more and more people from all over the world decide to leave their home countries and move to another place. This essay will examine the reasons and the consequences of immigration. In my view, the main reason of immigration is a strong desire of better life quality and safe future. A lot of people from so-called Third World move to developed countries in search of better employment opportunities, and therefore, higher incomes. Moreover, living in a wealthy country implies living in a country with stable economy, so risks of losing their savings also lessen. For example, labour migration from Mexico to the USA is caused by these facts. Other reasons that force whole families to cross borders are wars and various cultural conflicts in their homeland. Many people migrate, seeking security and safe future for their children. For instance, most of the refugees who arrived in the European Union were escaping from wars. However, sometimes immigration causes more problems than it solves, resulting in negative consequences for both immigrants and their countries of destination. First of all, most of the refugees can’t find jobs because of the lack of language skills and difficulties in adaptation. That’s why the countries have to run various refugee assistance programs to help those people. But disproportionate burden of maintaining the immigrants leads to tension in the society. Secondly, not all of the refugees receive proper asylum, food and medical care. So they are at risk even after crossing the border. Finally, even highly qualified specialists, who seek better employment, often don’t get what they are looking for. In conclusion, I think that people immigrate to have better life prospects. However, life after immigration may not always meet people’s expectations. So it’s very important to consider all the possible outcomes and decide whether leaving your homeland is worth it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Immigration
has a significant impact on the contemporary society. Each year, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another place. This essay will examine the reasons and the consequences of immigration.

In my view, the main reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
is a strong desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life quality and safe future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called Third World
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in search of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
employment opportunities, and
therefore
, higher incomes.
Moreover
, living in a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
implies living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with stable economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of losing their savings
also
lessen.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
migration from Mexico to the USA
is caused
by these facts. Other reasons that force whole families to cross borders are wars and various cultural conflicts in their homeland.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate, seeking security and safe future for their children.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
who arrived in the European Union were escaping from wars.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
causes more problems than it solves, resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for both immigrants and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of destination.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
can’t find jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and difficulties in adaptation. That’s why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
run various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
assistance programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
disproportionate burden of maintaining the immigrants leads to tension in the society.
Secondly
, not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
receive proper asylum, food and medical care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
even after crossing the border.
Finally
, even
highly
qualified specialists, who seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they are looking for.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrate to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life prospects.
However
, life after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
may not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
expectations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider all the possible outcomes and decide whether leaving your homeland is worth it.
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IELTS essay Band 9 essay sample (immigration)

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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