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obesity and sugar drinks, should people be educated or new taxes on sugary drinks implemented

obesity and sugar drinks, should people be educated or new taxes on sugary drinks implemented 6xm7W
People being overweight is a big problem in our society and it is mostly related to sugar consumption. One solution could be to put taxes on sugary drinks and other could be to educate the community about it. This essay will argue that educating the public is better in the long run and that consumers will still pay the extra money for sugary drinks. Education is the base to change people behaviours. People tend to realise that their habits are bad when others teach them about it. A study shows that when a group of people were educated on how sugary beverages contributed to obesity, 9 out of 10 stopped buying those. It proves that teaching people about these unhealthy drinks make them stop consuming them. On the other hand, tax on sugary drinks will not be made people stop buying it. People tend to pay any among of money for goods they like. For example, when taxes were put on alcohol people continue buying them. With this in mind, taxes would not stop people from drinking sugary drinks, it would just make people pay more for them. To conclude, sugary drinks are a big contributor to obesity and there are various ways to reduce the consumption of these drinks such as education and add taxes to them. However, education is far better to reduce people drinking sugary beverages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
being overweight is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem in our society and it is
mostly
related to sugar consumption. One solution could be to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
and other could be to educate the community about it. This essay will argue that educating the public is better in the long run and that consumers will
still
pay the extra money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
drinks.

Education is the base to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that their habits are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
when others teach them about it. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that when a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were educated
on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
beverages contributed to obesity, 9 out of 10
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
buying those. It proves that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about these unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consuming them.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
will not
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
buying it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to pay any among of money for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
they like.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
were put
on alcohol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue buying them. With this in mind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, it would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more for them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
contributor to obesity and there are various ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
such as education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to them.
However
, education is far better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
beverages.
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IELTS essay obesity and sugar drinks, should people be educated or new taxes on sugary drinks implemented

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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