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obesity and its reasons and solutions

obesity and its reasons and solutions rL1Ko
Over the last decade the number of people who suffer obesity has been dramatically increased. Researchers has proven that the great number of people from different age categories are becoming overweight. There has been a few causes for this. This essay will look at the reasons and propose solutions. One of the main causes of the problem is overeating. It is common among children and young adults. They enjoy eating a lot and believe that they are not getting fat because they are young and healthy. The solution is for the parents to control their children's diet and eating habit. Another problem is consuming great amount of fast food everyday. Over the last few years people have used to not to spend their times to cook. They prefer to eat as quickly as possible. For example ،when I worked in an institutions as a teacher I usually didn't have time to prepare food because I always had a lot of work to do so I often are out. Surprisingly I noticed I gained a few kilos within 2 years. To address this issue the government should decrease the advertised on junk food and should increase tax on them. This would encourage people to cook at home. Another cause of the problem is not having enough physical exercise due to the smart and technological lifestyle which people get used to it in the last decade. People do not work out and they fulfill their demand online and with an easiest way. To tackle this issue the gym membership fees should be reduced furthermore government ought to build cheap sport facilities in the public outdoor areas like parks. All in all obesity has became a serious problem due to the reasons such as overeating, not having enough exercise, and consuming a lot of fast food. Unless we can manage this problem, number of people who suffer obesity increses and our Society will face with a more serious problem. My view is that the main responsibilities to tackle this issue lies with the parents and the governments.
Over the last decade the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer obesity has been
dramatically
increased.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "researcher has".
Researchers has
proven that the great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age categories are becoming overweight. There has been a few causes for this. This essay will look at the reasons and propose solutions. One of the main causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is overeating. It is common among children and young adults. They enjoy eating a lot and believe that they are not getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are young and healthy. The solution is for the parents to control their children's diet and eating habit. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is consuming great amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. Over the last few years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
spend their times to cook. They prefer to eat as
quickly
as possible.
For example
Possible spelling mistake found.
،when
I worked in
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an institution" or simply "institutions"?
an institutions
as a teacher I
usually
didn't have time to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I always had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
The adverb 'often' is usually put after the verb 'are'.
often are
out.
Surprisingly
I noticed I gained a few kilos within 2 years. To address this issue the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should decrease the advertised on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and should increase tax on them. This would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cook at home. Another cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical exercise due to the smart and technological lifestyle which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it in the last decade.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
out and
they fulfill their demand online and with
Use "the" with the superlative.
an
easiest way. To tackle this issue the gym membership fees should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
sport facilities in the public outdoor areas like parks. All in all obesity has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
due to the reasons such as overeating, not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
exercise, and consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Unless we can manage this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer obesity
Possible spelling mistake found.
increses
and our Society will face with a more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. My view is that the main responsibilities to tackle this issue lies with the parents and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
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IELTS essay obesity and its reasons and solutions

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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