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number of crime committed by young people in major cities

number of crime committed by young people in major cities oxe83
In recent years, the number of crime committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. What are the possible causes and suggest some solutions. In the modern Era, one of the major problems faced by the public is enhancements in crime. it has been seen that the number of youngsters who have been involved in crimes have been increasing in urban areas throughout the world. In this essay, I will explain the reasons behind this phenomenon and will suggest some possible solutions to overcome these obstacles. On the one hand, due to various, reasons the illegal activities are increasing among youths. Firstly, the majority of people is facing the problem of lack of employment opportunities therefore, they are forced by society to engage in crime activities such as theft, murder to acquiring money. For evidence, a survey conducted in a significant jail in a metropolitan city shows most of the offences engaged in criminal activities to earn money for their family. Secondly, the use of social media have a major role in these scenarios while surfing, adults forced to fell in the trap of crime mafia so they mafia would blackmail them to involve such criminal activities. To prove that, a Few days ago there was news regarding an adult death. He had been addicted to social media and video games for a long period so he fell down into the trap of a money mafia. They continuously asked money from him they forced him to theft money from his parents, continues blackmailing from the mafia made his mind frustrated so he committed suicide. Moreover, in this modern world, parents are busy with their work so they do not have enough time for the kids which leads to curtailing the bonding between progenitors and toddler for that children are scared to share their problems to parents therefore accidentally they commit crimes. On the other hand, there are plenty of solutions to eradicate this obstacle. the government should make sure employment opportunities for the younger generation this could plummet their frustration and financial issues. furthermore, parents should elaborate bonding with kids that helps them to teach moral values in children although while schooling teachers should help them to enhance their knowledge in academics and acquire enough qualification for individuals future. To conclude, several reasons are lead to the increase in illegal activities although, with the help of the government, parents and teachers public can solve this problem. it is predicted, in the, future the number of crimes will plummet.
In recent years, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
committed by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in major cities throughout the world is increasing. What are the possible causes and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

In the modern Era, one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
faced by the public is enhancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of youngsters who have
been involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have been increasing in urban areas throughout the world. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons behind this phenomenon and will suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to overcome these obstacles.

On the one hand, due to various, reasons the illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are increasing among youths.
Firstly
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is facing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of lack of employment opportunities
therefore
, they
are forced
by society to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as theft, murder to acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. For evidence, a survey conducted in a significant jail in a metropolitan city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
most of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
engaged in criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their family.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social media have a major role in these scenarios while surfing, adults forced to fell in the trap of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
mafia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they mafia
would blackmail them to involve such criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To prove that, a Few days ago there was news regarding an adult death. He had
been addicted
to social media and video games for a long period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he fell down into the trap of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
mafia. They
continuously
asked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from him they forced him to theft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, continues blackmailing from the mafia made his mind frustrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he committed suicide.
Moreover
, in this modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy with their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for the kids which leads to curtailing the bonding between progenitors and toddler for that children
are scared
to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
therefore
accidentally
they commit crimes.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of solutions to eradicate this obstacle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure employment opportunities for the younger generation this could plummet their frustration and financial issues.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should elaborate bonding with kids that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to teach moral values in children although while schooling teachers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to enhance their knowledge in academics and acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
qualification for individuals future.

To conclude
, several reasons are lead to the increase in illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
although, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers public can solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is predicted
, in
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
future the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
will plummet.
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IELTS essay number of crime committed by young people in major cities

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
422 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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