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Many people are interested in cosmatic surgery to improve their physical appearance why do people this?it is negative or positive development.

Many people are interested in cosmatic surgery to improve their physical appearance why do people this? it is negative or positive development. pJKNd
The majority of individuals choose cosmatic surgery in order to look attractive and younger than their real age. There are numerous reasons behind this and also it has negative effects on people which will be discuss in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the most plausible cause is that individuals have no satisfaction with their appearance. so, they give priority to surgery. This is because in today world, people has became materialistic and everyone wants to look attractive and younger than their actual age. A person for instance, judge by his/her physical appearance but if he has no fascinating look, he/she feels low in society and avoid taking part in social activities. What is more, number of famous personalities be it singers, actors and sports player's give preference to artificial face due to the fact that they want to influence to public towards them and attain more work opportunities to earn name and fame. Hence individuals are interested in plastic surgery. In the case of negative impacts surgeries can be harmful for people's body because it is not only adverse effects on natural skin but also Cretes skin cancer or allergy and they may lose their actual beauty. Take an example, Michael jockson who spend his whole life to change his appearance but after he suffered from skin cancer due to this surgery. Another effect, it is also wastage of money which they utilise on it. owing to it, they cannot their real look. some people who cannot afford it they take big loans which lead finical problems. In conclusion, due to the above reasons, individuals are interested in cosmetic surgery which has plethora of adverse effects on their skin and life.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
choose
Possible spelling mistake found.
cosmatic
surgery in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
attractive and younger than their real age. There are numerous reasons behind this and
also
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which will be
Consider using the past participle "discussed"?
discuss
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most plausible cause is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have no satisfaction with their appearance.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, they give priority to surgery. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
materialistic and everyone wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
attractive and younger than their actual age. A person
for instance
, judge by his/her physical appearance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if he has no fascinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
, he/she feels low in society and avoid taking part in social activities.
What is more
, number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities be it singers, actors and sports player's give preference to artificial face due to the fact that they want to influence to public towards them and attain more work opportunities to earn name and fame.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are interested
in plastic surgery.

In the case of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts surgeries can be harmful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adverse effects on natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cretes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
cancer or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
allergy and
they may lose their actual beauty. Take an example, Michael
Possible spelling mistake found.
jockson
who spend his whole life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his appearance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after he suffered from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
cancer due to this surgery. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
, it is
also
wastage of money which they
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
on it. owing to it, they cannot their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot afford it they take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
loans which lead finical problems.
In conclusion
, due to the above reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are interested
in cosmetic surgery which has plethora of adverse effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
and life.
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IELTS essay Many people are interested in cosmatic surgery to improve their physical appearance why do people this? it is negative or positive development.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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