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Nowadays, youngsters are choosing the entertainment industry as a career rather than higher studies. This is because celebrities gain higher respect, fame, and money as compared to other occupations

Nowadays, youngsters are choosing the entertainment industry as a career rather than higher studies. This is because celebrities gain higher respect, fame, and money as compared to other occupations KGm60
Nowadays, youngsters are choosing the entertainment industry as a career rather than higher studies. This is because celebrities gain higher respect, fame, and money as compared to other occupations. Some people believe that actors and sports gems are getting too much money for their job and this is unfair for those who study a lot and can not get enough money. I totally agree with the given view and I emphasize my reasons in upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, as per my view actors should be known as entertainers instead of a star. The word star or hero should be used for soldiers, doctors, and scientists who really work for the nation, and save human life. For instance film stars, musicians, and many more celebrities take fees in lakhs or crores. While doctors study too much and do hard work, also they think first for the patient and put their lives in danger. In COVID 19 pandemic, many doctors and frontline workers have lost their life. Moreover, soldiers save our nation from threats or attacks. Further, scientists who always work to develop the nation. These all should pay the highest-package by the government. In last, the authority should fix the minimum wages of employees according to their talent and education level. In addition, other jobs such as technicians, hospital administration, engineers, farmers are contributing a lot to the nation. Also, they are the backbone of the government. In some countries, private employees are earning very less amount. Government should donate to such private industries and institutions. To conclude, film workers should not be paid by high amount, instead, that money should invest in other employees, and everyone should be paid by their capability.
Nowadays, youngsters are choosing the entertainment industry as a career
rather
than higher studies. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
celebrities gain higher respect, fame, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as compared to other occupations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that actors and sports gems are getting too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their job and this is unfair for those who study a lot and can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
view and I emphasize my reasons in upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as per my view actors should
be known
as entertainers
instead
of a star. The word star or hero should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for soldiers, doctors, and scientists who
really
work for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, and save human life.
For instance
film stars, musicians, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more celebrities take fees in lakhs or crores. While doctors study too much and do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work,
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
first
for the patient and put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. In
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID 19
pandemic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors and
Possible spelling mistake found.
frontline
workers have lost their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
.
Moreover
, soldiers save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
from threats or attacks.
Further
, scientists who always work to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. These all should pay the highest-package by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In last, the authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the minimum wages of employees according to their talent and education level.

In addition
, other jobs such as technicians, hospital administration, engineers, farmers are contributing a lot to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Also
, they are the backbone of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, private employees are earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less amount.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should donate to such
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "industries".
private industries
and institutions.

To conclude
, film workers should not
be paid
by high amount,
instead
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should invest in other employees, and everyone should
be paid
by their capability.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, youngsters are choosing the entertainment industry as a career rather than higher studies. This is because celebrities gain higher respect, fame, and money as compared to other occupations

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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