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Nowadays young people tend to spend more time on social media. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays young people tend to spend more time on social media. Is this a positive or negative development? L3o3n
These day, the younger generation devotes a number of their time to using social media. While social networking can be beneficial to some extent, but in my viewpoint it’s drawbacks are more significiant. On the one hand, there are several advantages of using social media. Firstly, Social networkings is a place where thousands of social events are published regularly every day. Young individuals who usually get access to these sites will be beneficial in updating the latest trend and up to the minute information that is happening in the community such as covid 19 pandemic, economic condition. As a result, young ones will have a deeper insight into the work out there and become flexible with occurrences in their life. Secondly, since millions of people use social networkings, young ones will have more opportunities to get to know many like- minded individuals who have several things in common with together. This leads to the diversity in relationships. On the other hand, devoting time to using social media has many negative aspects. First and foremost, these days there are plenty of age- inappropriate and illegal concepts in social networkings. For example, antisocial people tend to publish wrong content about the government with a view to propagating reactionary thoughts for young people. As a result, young ones are able to become victims and are likely to have bad opinions. Additionally, allocating too much time to surfing social networks, young adults might be addicted to these sites. This contributes to the waste of time for other activities such as study and sports. Moreover, looking at smartphone screens can adversely affect young people's health. For example, people can be short - sighted after a long time using the phone. In conclusion, the fact that social media are ubiquitous in this day and age as they can help young adults to grasp the latest trend of society and make many friends. However, in my view, the drawbacks are greater, because it can poison young people with wrong thoughts and waste plenty of time for each person.
Did you mean "this day" or "These days"?
These day
, the younger generation devotes a number of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking can be beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my viewpoint it’s drawbacks are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
significiant
.

On the one hand, there are several advantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
Possible spelling mistake found.
networkings
is a place where thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are published
regularly
every day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
individuals who
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to these sites will be beneficial in updating the latest trend and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
up to the minute
information
that is
happening in the community such as
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
pandemic, economic condition.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will have a deeper insight into the work out there and become flexible with occurrences in their life.
Secondly
, since millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
networkings
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will have more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
like- minded individuals who have several things in common with together. This leads to the diversity in relationships.

On the other hand
, devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
First
and foremost, these days there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of age- inappropriate and illegal concepts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
networkings
.
For example
, antisocial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to publish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
content about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
with a view to propagating reactionary thoughts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are able to become victims and are likely to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
opinions.
Additionally
, allocating too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to surfing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults might
be addicted
to these sites. This contributes to the waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for other activities such as study and sports.
Moreover
, looking at smartphone screens can
adversely
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be short
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
sighted after a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using the phone.

In conclusion
, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are ubiquitous in this day and age as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults to grasp the latest trend of society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends.
However
, in my view, the drawbacks are greater,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can poison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
thoughts and waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for each person.
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people tend to spend more time on social media. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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