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Nowadays young people are spending their leisure period in shopping centres but not engaging themselves in other activities such as sport or music which can affect them self and society negatively to what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays young people are spending their leisure period in shopping centres but not engaging themselves in other activities such as sport or music which can affect them self and society negatively OR37k
These days, much free time spent in shopping by teenagers. it has an adverse effect on them and society. Therefore, they should do some recreational activities like playing outdoor games music and drama. I completely agree with this given statement because by adopting this activities one can be specialist in any particular activity and also it helps to keep a good health. Each and every young man ought to use their spare time to do beneficial activities like playing outdoor games, music, drama and so on as, they can be intelligent in them. This is to say that practice make person perfect. When they start practicing this activities during leisure time, they can be excellent in it. If they go to shopping centre to buy something, they are more likely to influence others. Therefore, they should be suggested to try recreational activities. By practicing it they even can be able to perform themselves in front of many people. Hence, it is better then going to market every time. If today's above 22 ages younger had not wasted time for it, then they would have been more successful and different. For example, famous folk singer Geeta Rabari used to practice singing instead of hanging out with her mates and shopping, as a result one day she became expert in singing. in fact, She is currently widely popular singer in india. Another reason why visiting shopping malls and Street markets is not favourable to young is that has many detrimental impacts on them self and community. In addition, they waste their money time and also influence to people around them in the society. If they play games like football or exercise in the leisure time then, without joining gym it can be possible to be physically fit. Hence it is advisable to try this types of profitable outdoor movement. For instance, my cousin, he goes to play cricket in the street or does physical activities like yoga instead of shopping. It made him fit and healthy. In conclusion, shopping is essential but it is not fair going frequently for it. nevertheless, it is favorable to utilise spare time in order to do get benefits of these activities.
These days, much free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
has an adverse effect on them and society.
Therefore
, they should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like playing outdoor games music and drama. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by adopting
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
one can be specialist in any particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

Each and every young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like playing outdoor games, music, drama and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on as, they can be intelligent in them. This is to say that practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
person perfect. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
practicing
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they can be excellent in it. If they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something, they are more likely to influence others.
Therefore
, they should
be suggested
to try recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. By practicing it they even can be able to perform themselves in front of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
, it is
Did you mean "better than"?
better then
going to market every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's above 22 ages younger had not wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for it, then they would have been more successful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
folk singer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geeta
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rabari
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to practice singing
instead
of hanging out with her mates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
as a result
one day she became expert in singing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
fact, She is
currently
widely
popular singer in
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
.

Another reason why visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls and Street markets is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to young is that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental impacts on them self and community.
In addition
, they waste their money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
also
influence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them in the society. If they play games like football or exercise in the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
then, without joining gym it can be possible to be
physically
fit.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is advisable to try this types of profitable outdoor movement.
For instance
, my cousin, he goes to play cricket in the street or does physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like yoga
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. It made him fit and healthy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
going
frequently
for it.
nevertheless
, it is favorable to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people are spending their leisure period in shopping centres but not engaging themselves in other activities such as sport or music which can affect them self and society negatively

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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