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Nowadays, two out of three people have their social media accounts. Do you think advantages of social media outweigh its disadvantages?

Nowadays, two out of three people have their social media accounts. Do you think advantages of social media outweigh its disadvantages? 663gG
Nowadays, social media is being an essential part for most of the people. With the ease of internet access, so many people are using social media. I think that the advantages of social media outweigh its disadvantages. Firstly, social networking sites have been a blessing for those interested in startup their own business. Social media start with Facebook but now there are so many sites and apps like Instagram, Twitter, etc. For instance, presently we no need to distribute pamphlets of our business or shop to door to door; we can advertise it through public networking sites, and because of that we can also save our time and money. Moreover, on account of social media applications, we simply communicate with our friends and relatives who live at distance from us. As we know that recently during the covid-19 pandemic we couldn't visit our relative's house so that time we used social media to meet each other, where we can see each other and talk and its feel like they are beside us. On another hand, there are some cons of social media. As a consequence of it, anyone can get to know about your personal information from your social media account, and as a result, cyberbullying and online harassment increase day by day. Also, some mischief uses your private and personal information to blackmail you. To put it in a nutshell, the pros of social media far outweigh its disadvantages if everyone use it for good things and with some security guidance.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is being an essential part for most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of internet access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outweigh its disadvantages.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have been a blessing for those interested in startup their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with Facebook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sites and apps like Instagram, Twitter, etc.
For instance
,
presently
we no need to distribute pamphlets of our business or shop
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "to door".
to door to door
; we can advertise it through public networking sites, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that we can
also
save our time and money.

Moreover
, on account of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
applications, we
simply
communicate with our friends and relatives who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at distance from us. As we know that recently during the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
pandemic we couldn't visit our relative's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other, where we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each other and talk and its feel like they are beside us.

On another hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. As a consequence of it, anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about your personal information from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
account, and
as a result
, cyberbullying and online harassment increase day by day.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mischief
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
your private and personal information to blackmail you.

To put it in a nutshell, the pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
far outweigh its disadvantages if everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "uses", "used".
use
it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
security guidance.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, two out of three people have their social media accounts. Do you think advantages of social media outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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