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Nowadays traffic congestion are increasing, what advice would you offer to the government to reduce traffic congestion? v.1

Nowadays traffic congestion are increasing, what advice would you offer to the government to reduce traffic congestion? v. 1
There is no doubt that the internet has revolutionised communication and information-sharing in the same way that the telegraph and the television did before it. However, societies have had to cope with unanticipated new problems, including crimes which traditional laws are powerless to prevent. This essay will address some of the illegal acts enabled by the internet and propose solutions. To begin with, the global scale of the internet means that national laws are no longer adequate to control what happens online. Take restrictions on legal reporting, for example. In some countries, the media is prohibited from revealing details of a defendant’s past in case this prejudices a fair trial. However, such restrictions are no longer enforceable now that information may be freely published in other countries and accessed by all. The only solution here, it seems, is to adopt global standards. Since the internet traverses national borders, the flow of information can only be controlled if all nations agree on what can and cannot be shared. Another problem concerns anonymity, as internet users can easily conceal their identity and even impersonate others. Many crimes such as identity theft and child abuse result from the ease with which criminals can operate anonymously online. Some have proposed a system of online identification, similar to a passport, which would allow all internet users to be verified and traced. I believe this idea should be explored further, though there are clearly concerns about the security of those who use the internet to protest against oppressive regimes. In conclusion, the only long-term solution to the problem of internet crime is greater international cooperation. Since the problem is global is scale, the solution must also be global. A new agency of the United Nations should be created to tackle the problems described here
There is no doubt that the internet has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
communication and information-sharing
in the same way
that the telegraph and the television did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it.
However
, societies have had to cope with unanticipated new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, including crimes which traditional laws are powerless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
. This essay will address
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
illegal acts enabled by the internet and propose solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
scale of the internet means that national laws are no longer adequate to control what happens online. Take restrictions on legal reporting,
for example
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, the media
is prohibited
from revealing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of a defendant’s past in case this prejudices a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
trial.
However
, such restrictions are no longer enforceable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that information may be
freely
published in other countries and accessed by all. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution here, it seems, is to adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
standards. Since the internet traverses national borders, the flow of information can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be controlled
if all nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on what can and cannot
be shared
.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
concerns anonymity, as internet users can
easily
conceal their identity and even impersonate others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
crimes such as identity theft and child abuse result from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
with which criminals can operate
anonymously
online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
have proposed a system of online identification, similar to a passport, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
all internet users to
be verified
and traced. I believe this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
should
be explored
further
, though there are
clearly
concerns about the security of those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to protest against oppressive regimes.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
long-term solution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of internet crime is greater international cooperation. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
is scale, the solution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
. A new agency of the United Nations should
be created
to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
here
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays traffic congestion are increasing, what advice would you offer to the government to reduce traffic congestion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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