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Nowadays, there is a greater focus at all levels in education on science and business studies rather than the arts. do yu think this is a positive or negative development?

Education system always attach great importance to the choice of the subjects that should be taught to pupils and in the last decades science and business studies have been considered the main direction towards school should direct students, this inevitably lead to a lower focus into arts subjects. Even if this tendency can generate some benefits for students, more disadvantages are actually caused. Those who believes that the dominance of science and business studies in the teaching world, has positive effects, point out that these subjects help students build analytic skills, such as scientific research methods and calculus, that are vital for the job market. Additionally, they are often associated to the development of problem-solving abilities, through the analysis of business cases or solving experiments, that are another great points of strength when it comes the time to find a job. However, I personally consider the previous arguments not able to stand up a scrutiny because, in contrary to what expected, arts can also provide solid foundations for the job market. For instance, rather than teaching a fixed method, they guide people to build up a personal way to approach problems because in arts there are no boundaries between wrong and right. Besides that, creativity can receive an enormous boost during their practice, and, from recent research, it is one of the skill most appreciated by job recruiter. Finally, arts, while teaching people to express their emotions, help them relax that is something fundamental for facing the high-speed pace faced in modern society. In conclusion, although focusing on subjects as science and business can be positive for students, arts should be present in school programs and a greater importance should be attached to its teaching because otherwise children will experience a variety of losses in their learning process, leading to a negatives developments.
Education system always attach great importance to the choice of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that should
be taught
to pupils and in the last decades science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
studies have
been considered
the main direction towards school should direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, this
inevitably
lead to a lower focus into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Even if this tendency can generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, more disadvantages are actually caused.

Those who believes that the dominance of science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
studies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
world, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, point out that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
build analytic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as scientific research methods and calculus, that are vital for the job market.
Additionally
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
associated to the development of problem-solving abilities, through the analysis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
cases or solving experiments, that are another great points of strength when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the time to find a job.

However
, I
personally
consider the previous arguments not able to stand up a scrutiny
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in contrary to what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can
also
provide solid foundations for the job market.
For instance
,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
method, they guide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to build up a personal way to approach problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
there are no boundaries between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and right.
Besides
that, creativity can receive an enormous boost during their practice, and, from recent research, it is one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
most appreciated by job recruiter.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to express their emotions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relax
that is
something fundamental for facing the high-speed pace faced in modern society.

In conclusion
, although focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be present in school programs and a greater importance should
be attached
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
otherwise
children will experience a variety of losses in their learning process, leading to a negatives developments.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, there is a greater focus at all levels in education on science and business studies rather than the arts. do yu think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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